fbpx

Elegance & Crudeness

A quickly-composed and deeply-felt post in the middle of my day…

Despite all obstacles placed in my way, many of which I erected myself, I am writing today.

I am writing about the Divine Feminine.

My history in regards to such, misconceptions that abound, and ways in which She is experienced both within and without. I am writing about my own religious tradition and the ways in which even the uttering of Her name would have well been understood as heresy from the pit of hell. I am writing about the ways in which that has confused me for so many years. And I am writing about how my movement toward Her has invited me into expansiveness, empowerment, and faith beyond-compare.

As I write, I have been reflecting on words spoken by artist and activist Callahan McDonough:

“I look for that balance of elegance and crudeness in my work and the daily reference in the ‘doing’ of the work. My desire is for my work to be experienced out in the world, to make a difference that touches people’s lives.”

Yes, this.

There is a balance of both elegance and crudeness in writing. Even more, in life. When I allow for both, I then extend myself grace and forgiveness. When I allow for both, I am compelled to higher levels of creativity without incessant second guessing. When I allow for both, I find myself in a place where darkness does not overcome light, nor does shadow or resistance overwhelm.

I am writing today. About some of the hardest things: my own story, my own doubts, my own fears. But in each, allowing confidence and doubt, hope and despair, and yes, elegance and crudeness; the jumble of emotions, talents, insecurities, and stories that are me.

Oh, that we would live our lives in such a place: aware of the elegance and crudeness innate in us all – allowing for both and calling forth ever-more. What might we yet create? What might we yet imagine? What might we yet birth?

Yes, this: birth. The primary and original place in which elegance and crudeness coexist. The primary and original place in which women bring forth their innate and particular power. The primary and original place in which miracles occur and the Divine Feminine makes herself known. The primary and original place in which God is made manifest in the world. Elegant. Crude. Beautiful.

I’ll take more of that, please.

My lie about writing and time

I’ve been thinking more and more about writing – my desire to so, the things I so want to be able to say, the hopes I have for myself and my daughters as it relates to such. The more I think about it the more I wish I had more time. “If only I could take a couple of months off…just to get started.” “If only I could afford to just write and not have to juggle work and all the rest of life!” “If only…” Dangerous words I’ve fallen prey to before.

But this afternoon I picked up a book I’ve had on my shelf for many years: The Right to Write by Julia Cameron. Here’s what I came across in the third chapter:

One of the biggest myths around writing is that in order to do it we must have great swathes of uninterrupted time…The myth that we must have “time”–more time–in order to create is a myth that keeps us from using the time we do have. If we are forever yearning for “more,” we are forever discounting what is offered.

OK…I get it. I wonder what would happen if I repeated “I have plenty of time to write” as often as I’ve said, “I just don’t have enough time to write”? ‘Think I’ll give it a try and maybe, after chanting this affrmation a few times, I’ll actually start writing and stop chanting!

Oh yeah, that’s what I’m doing right now!