Ever feel like some pretty significant things have to change before your life can truly start? Me too.
I woke up a couple of mornings ago thinking about my weight. Its not a conversation I like having with myself. It’s never kind – usually pretty violent – and always laced with either heavy doses of self-loathing or lofty promises for change. It was still early so I hadn’t eaten anything. Even pre-coffee I was thinking about the choices I should make throughout the day ahead, feeling them drag me down an all-too-familiar path.
And then this thought went through my mind?
This is your life, Ronna. Right now.You get to decide. Right now; not someday.
Now maybe this doesn’t seem like much of an epiphany to you. For me, however, it was hugely significant. Cuz here’s the thing: I live in a once/then world way too much of the time.
- Once I get this weight off, then I’ll feel good about myself every day.
- Once I get myself on an exercise routine, then I’ll be happy with the way I look.
Here are a few more:
- Once I get my business financially in place, then I will focus on writing the book.
- Once I can stop worrying about whether or not I can pay my mortgage from month-to-month, then I will be able to continue doing the things I’m passionate about and love.
Or how about these:
- Once I’m in a long-term, committed relationship, then my life will feel whole and complete.
- Once my kids are out of the house, then I can live the life I desire.
Let me be very quick to point out that I already know that all of these statements are false. I’m smart enough and sane enough to realize that no single change, event, or man is ultimately going to alter my world. All of that depends on me.
But that doesn’t mean that these myths don’t still hold power.
It’s the Disney version of life – or Hollywood. And it’s all a big, fat lie!! Still, I bite – over and over again. (No wonder I’m having conversations with myself about my weight!)
Back to my internal dialogue:
This is your life, Ronna. Right now.You get to decide. Right now; not someday.
- This means that I can choose what I want to eat in the moment, because this is my life. Right now. (That day I had Salted Caramel ice cream for lunch.)
- This means that I can exercise when I want to, consistently or not, because this is my life. Right now. (I still have not (re)started exercising, but I’m seriously considering it and even bought a fitness magazine this afternoon.)
- This means that I can start writing my book anytime, soon, NOW, because this is my life. Right now. (Just this week I have come up with the title, the theme, and WILL start my book proposal no later than Thursday. Yes, this week. Yes, I typed those words!)
- This means that I can enjoy every bit of my work, my business, my blogging, my conversations, my world – whether I have money or not, because this is my life. Right now. (I am just reveling in the beauty and grace of my day-to-day life: the people with whom I interact, the writing I get to do, the level of connection I feel to things that matter. Money is currency. It is not my life.)
- This means that my life is whole and complete – and potentially made even better in relationship, because this is my life. Right now. (Indeed, the relationship I’m dancing within right now is a beautiful and rich addition to my life. It takes nothing from me. It adds much. And without it, I’d still be whole.)
- This means that I can live the life I desire while my kids are here, at their dads, living their own lives, because this is my life. Right now. (I love my daughters. And they will be better off with a mother who is thriving in her life – yes, right now, then if I put all on hold on their behalf.)
I really want to leave the once/then world and live fully, completely, eyes-wide-open in the one I’m in. Right now. Today. All the time. Because it’s good. It’s beautiful. It’s rich. It’s full. And I really like Salted Caramel ice cream.
Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans.
(John Lennon)
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{ 19 comments… read them below or add one }
The ultimate challenge—living in the present—right here, right now, just as I am, full of love for what is, yet able to dream and plan for what could be.
You know the challenge all too well these days, Angie – as I read your latest post. Thanks for taking the time to be here in the midst of all else.
Awesome!! Awesome!! Awesome!! Just what I needed to hear right now…thankyou Ronna!! Words of wisdom flowing from a higher place, a higher light, to touch the light within me and make it gl☼w!! Look forward to reading your book!! ღƪ(ˆ◡ˆ)ʃ ☼
Thank you, kind sir! ‘Appreciate your words, your encouragement, you…
Are you in my head woman?!
I am right in this – my thinking is scattered and I am a bit scared, but I am blogging my way to the truth.
I week in things are shifting.
There is so much power in the connection between thoughts, words, deeds.
x
Love, love, love when this happens! Thanks for saying so. Just another confirmation of the present, of saying what’s true…in the moment, of trusting. ‘Appreciate you.
A similar epiphany came to me last year when my dad died. I wrote about it on my blog here: http://bit.ly/ag5DBu
I’ve been trying to live life in the moment ever since, appreciating all the joyful things that are in my life right now, and realizing just how many there are. (including ice cream).
Mmmm, thanks for this. Of course, I want for these lessons to be outside of the teacher of death. And…so much to be learned in those places, as well – as your post so powerfully articulates. Again, thank you, Chiarina.
Of course, wouldn’t we all, but often the best lessons are learned through hardship. Something good has to come out of that, doesn’t it? Wishing you many happy moments right now! Cheers,
Chia
Awesome post, Ronna! It really hit me where I’m living this morning!
I’m glad – and grateful, Rebekah.
I use to live this life – the once/then life. I hated it and myself a good portion of the time. I no longer live it.
I have a dear friend who still lives the once/then life. I have tried, through sharing my experience, to explain that it is not what it should be. That once/then is not living. Unfortunately, this friend has to figure out for self.
Nicki´s last [type] ..Giving and Receiving
We all have our own journey’s in this regard, don’t we, Nicki? Painful to be in the midst of for ourselves and excruciating to experience in the lives of others. And yet…
As always, grateful that you’re here. Thank you.
As you probably aren’t surprised to hear, I’m intimately familiar with this kind of thinking. It’s so helpful to hear your wise reminders of how useless those once/then statements, and inspiring to hear your comments to THIS LIFE. This right now. And by the way? I want to hear more about that title, structure, and stuff you have figured out!! Yay!
As you probably aren’t surprised to hear, I’m not surprised to hear that you’d like to hear title/structure/stuff!
Thanks, my friend.
Oh so familiar. The one I have been telling myself for years is, once I get Really good at what I do, I’ll start my own business. Well, it has given me a lot of energy and excitement to put that aside and start business planning – for right now! Or at least, for when I get my license in the fall. And once I get my license, then I will launch my business! I think as I get older I realize more and more – I only have today.
It’s not all black/white, is it Amy? Maybe the key is that we keep moving forward while we also continue to pursue the “once’s.” The goals we set for ourselves in terms of licenses, specific objectives, training, etc. are all good AND we need to keep taking forward-motion steps that keep us in the stream of what we love simultaneous to our hopes for what will yet be. Complex. Complicated. Tough. And SO worthwhile!
I’m back from a much needed vacation from unemployment (to my hometown for 13 days) and back at it all again. Catching up on my posts, and your very first one struck an immediate cord! Of course. I shall learn to expect this.
Congrats on claiming a title for your book and making plans to write RIGHT now! How exciting.
“Let me be very quick to point out that I already know that all of these statements are false. I’m smart enough and sane enough to realize that no single change, event, or man is ultimately going to alter my world. All of that depends on me.”
I read this and chuckled. I guess a part of me doesn’t QUITE accept yet that these changes WON’T ultimately alter my world, until I look at it and see the process that must take place. I know it’s up to me, but somehow I see this connection still. But I know it all depends on me; only I can get the ball rolling here.
Thanks for staying just who you were before I left for my vacation! What a wonderful place to return.
How fabulous to wake up this morning and find all your comments, Sera! I’m grateful for your presence in these posts…and each of your comments. As for this one: yes…always a gap between what we know and what we do or what we know and what we feel. The spaces in which those get smaller are glorious and give us a taste of what we yet have the capacity to experience. The ball is rolling…I promise.
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