True self, when violated, will always resist us, sometimes at great cost, holding our lives in check until we honor its truth.
(Parker Palmer, Let Your Life Speak
When I read this quote it instantly resonated with me; but not in a “that makes so much sense sort-of way.” In fact, it confused me slightly. I have had to sit with it, turn it around, take it apart, and ponder the words, the meaning, and my subsequent response.
I’ve violated my true self.
It doesn’t take much for me to recognize this reality. I’ve done it many times. Less than stellar choices. Far too frequent compromises. Lies. Editing. Censoring. Holding Back. Giving more than was warranted or earned. Sacrificing self.
I’ve known internal resistance.
And I have ignored it, or dissociated, or self-medicated. I’m not proud of this. But because I know I’ve ignored it, I also know it exists! This is good; welcome, actually! Internal resistance means that my body, my very life works on my behalf, attempting to hold my life in check. The disconnect and dissonance between head and heart, between thought and action, is how my true self speaks, often whispers, sometimes shouts.
Not welcoming that resistance has come at great cost. I’ve lost years of being awake, aware, and alive. I’ve lost years of feeling beautiful, gifted, and glorious.
I’ve lost years of being my true self.
Now, older and hopefully wiser, it’s rare(r) that I’m not my true self. I see her. I hear her. I feel her. I know her. I’m far less inclined to settle or not trust in my worth and value. When I feel the internal resistance I now know that I’m denying something, squelching something, fearing something. And I’m trying to be so done with that!
I’ve learned that ignoring the resistance is too costly.
I need to welcome resistance.
Resistance is my deepest, truest self protecting me, calling to me, and reminding me who I really am: beautiful, gifted, and glorious.
Clarissa Pinkola Estes, a writer/speaker of near-sacred wisdom, names the resistance–and the truest self that longs to be birthed; that will be birthed.
The resistance:
A lot of people live silently holed-up with their talents [true self] because they feel afraid to bring them forward. Yet, there comes a time in everyone’s life–and I believe it comes as a result of experience after experience of not feeling that life is necessarily bad, but also not feeling that life is good either–that is, a woman feels restricted, restrained by self and/or others, yet at the same time, she feels she is made for something more; that this can’t be ‘all there is,’ that instead her birthright is trying to come to the surface.
The true self:
…she will not stop or restrict her soulful ways to conform to cultural conventions…she will not stop because of criticism or ridicule or being discounted or devalued. She will not stop…she goes where she wants to, she says what she wishes, and no one should try to stop her…or else. She will have a ready answer for them. She’s clearly one who says, “Come with me. Be with me. But if not, stand out of my way; I have a destiny to meet.”
I have a destiny to meet.
I have a true self to honor.
I have resistance to welcome.
Can’t recommend highly enough the two authors I’ve referenced here:
- Parker Palmer’s Let Your Life Speak
- And Clarissa Pinkola Estes? What can I say? Of course, Women Who Run with the Wolves
is beyond incredible. And her “newest” work..now three decades in process, The Dangerous Old Woman is available in audio version. You can access two free podcasts by clicking here. (Thanks, Shauntelle!)
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Very powerful post. Thanks. I’ve linked to an older post of mine that I think resonates with this theme.
Angel C.´s last [type] ..Whats new- pussy cat
this is another great post, Ronna. i just read and reread a bunch of Parker Palmer – and Ms. Estes – and yes what a wonderful overlap truth – and now living it, ahhhhh!
Jennifer Louden´s last [type] ..Beginnings are Tenuous and Thready
Can’t go wrong with either of those voices ringing in our ears…or hearts. Right there with you, Jen.
I clicked “The Dangerous Old Woman” link and read this:
Dr. Estés asks, “Did you know, you were born as the first, and the last and the best and the only one of your kind, and that eccentricity is the first sign of giftedness? These are two of the crone truths I have to offer you.”
I just came from the web site of a friend who quotes Dr. Seuss in her profile:
“Today you are you, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is youer than you.”
I was croned in 2002, the year I retired. May we all grow into wise old crones who are dangerous, eccentric, and gifted!
Bonnie Jacobs´s last [type] ..Teaser with a question
Beatiful, Bonnie. Truly.
i keep thinkiing dahlik (or however you spell Dr Who’s ultimate nemesis) “Resistance is futile”…. i love it that we are discovering more and more about the signposts in our inner lives, that lead the way to healing… welcoming resistance as a gift from now on! thanks Ronna
I’m with you, Jane: the signposts as gifts vs. irritants…Thanks for being here!
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