A number of years ago my Spiritual Director spoke to me, again, of the desert: my metaphor, my language, my constant dwelling place. She asked, “Ronna, what might water in the desert be for you?” Slow tears poured down my cheeks as I answered, “There is none. I am thirsty and none is to be found.” She sat quietly for what seemed like hours and then graciously, grace-fully responded, “Your tears are the water.”
That imagery (and its reality) nearly undid me. It still does whenever I think of it. I am overwhelmed with gratitude for her naming of such, for her ability to offer me a truth I was desperate to hear.
I have known and experienced the desert in all its dryness, heat, and brutal, thirst-inducing reality. I have also known and experienced it as the place in which I have cried the hardest – and found profound healing and hope.
Blessing of the Tears
That I may be filled with them.
That I may be emptied by them.That they may challenge
my silence.
That they may lead me
to speech.That I may name each one.
that I may be named by each one.That they may teach me
of my sorrow.
That they may lead me
to my strength.(Jan Richardson, In Wisdom’s Path)
For your reflection:
- We work so hard to keep from crying. Why is that? For me, I was afraid I would drown (and drown everyone around me) if I ever began. Do you cry freely or does the idea of such feel too overwhelming to comprehend?
- What if water in the desert for you was, in fact, your tears?
- Can you imagine the idea of each of your tears being named…and naming you?
{ 12 comments… read them below or add one }
I’m pondering the desert metaphor, as it’s one I’ve never considered (mine are usually water related)…I’ll leave here thinking about the desert…as to the reflection questions:
1. Fear of never being able to stop crying if I started was a big fear of mine years ago (though I didn’t think about how that would affect others, as you so thoughtfully did) – but now, I often hold tears back because I have things I want to do (or feel I need to do) and I know that tears lead me within where I won’t be working in chronos time for awhile.
And the pain, I know I’ll go deep when I cry and I’ll feel whatever is going on more intently. And, honestly, when I think about avoiding pain – I know that I can’t, that I’m being silly when I imagine I can – or allow busyness to let me think I can. And since I’ve committed myself to living authentically I might as well move gracefully through the tears. But…that (knowing it intellectually) doesn’t change the foot dragging…
Lately the experience (feeling tears coming on – allowing myself time for it) has been like setting up a dental appointment – I “forget”, I postpone, I lose the phone # – sigh — when I do cry though, I do it freely – with my whole body.
As I look at the other questions I’m brought back to the fact that I have never thought of myself as being in the desert, my metaphor of choice being water — so I’m trying to think of how tears can fit my metaphor (?life boat?) Naming tears , oh! I love that!! I have a friend whose husband brought her a little bottle, from Israel, to store her tears in — honoring tears (naming or storing or ?) is beautiful!
Square-Peg Karen´s last blog ..Go Touch Hearts
This whole question/consideration of tears is big, isn’t it? And I wonder if, for you, the metaphor of water holds – specifically in the context of tears – at least in this season. Letting them be what keeps you buoyant and afloat. So much we keep safely tucked in (like sitting on a beach ball in water) that eventually must be released. Ah, for ever more days, relationships, and spaces in which we can totally let go and totally be ourselves – loved, seen, named. Thanks, Karen.
This is extremely important! We often don’t get how healing crying can be. It’s something we shouldn’t be ashamed to do, that can, like you say, truly offer water where our souls are parched.
I’ve been going through some stuff lately, and I’ve found this: that the more quickly I submit, the stronger I become and the more quickly I can heal and move on. Crying = losing control… the tears, the shuddering, etc… but we have to let go sometimes.
Positive Mitch´s last blog ..Desire for control: the roots of fascination with sex and violence
Letting go…vs. Control. The age-old dilemma. And, you’re right Mitch. When we can finally submit, the healing comes. Thanks.
I have had such a difficulat time in life in learning to accept my sensitivity as it always produces tears. I cry when I’m elated, sad, or angry. I’ve found that it comes with emotions that are strong. It took my husband years to be able to handle me which he has learned to let me let them go. The tears are embarrassing when I can’t control them…but the emotions, I honesty wouldn’t trade fully living through my heart. It is who I am, and I am at peace with that even when I appear to be a blabbering mess!
Suzicate´s last blog ..When You Give A Little, You Get A Lot
@Suzicate, It’s funny how we associate crying with something being seriously wrong. Often when I’m crying, I want those around me to not turn away, but not to make a big deal of it either. And thus I feel this pressure not to cry: others around me are going to get all messed-up about it, I fear.
It’s ok to cry and let cry. Nothing horrible is going to happen. Nothing needs to “be done.” Do share some love, but remember at the same time that crying is just an expression of emotion. This is what I wished more people knew. Now that my roommate, for example, knows that I know that, she can cry in peace, and my eyes will meet hers so that she knows I see her and I’ll be there for her, but I don’t change my whole routine and run to her and make her feel like her crying messed me up. I love being able to feel and show that balance of attention-love and deference-love.
Positive Mitch´s last blog ..Desire for control: the roots of fascination with sex and violence
We’ve got to change this messaging, don’t we? Crying isn’t wrong. It’s this beautiful/powerful expression – inside moved to outside. Thanks, Mitch!
You bet we do have to change it. Thanks for writing about this.
Positive Mitch´s last blog ..The best way to be truthful is to channel the truth correctly
No trading allowed! This is so beautiful and tells me that deep wells of compassion and emotion reside within you. ‘Hope there is much of that reservoir that is spent on you!!
I have read this entry several times and still have trouble formulating my thoughts. Like Suzicate, I tend to cry easily. I don’t cry when I am hurt, necessarily, but at other things – commercials, movies, etc. Yet, I do feel that when the tears come, they are not going to stop. I have no control over them which is part of the problem with letting go. You are very right on that, Ronna.
The thought of my tears being my water in the desert, of them nourishing me somehow is not something I have given thought to before. It is a way to see them as both healing and nourishing if tears are my water.
Nicki´s last blog ..Carriage House Cafe, Ithaca – Review
I so understand, Nicki. And…once I let them come, I did not drown; in fact, they were the nourishing and healing I most needed…still. This I now know.
laughter through tears is my favorite emotion.
whollyjeanne´s last blog ..rightful sound