A good friend emailed me yesterday and reminded me of this phrase: If it feels bad, it probably is. She also reminded me of its applicability (at least right now) which then reminded me of my reluctance to believe it as true. I’m an optimist – even with my quick sarcasm and tendency toward cynicism. I don’t want to believe the worst…and sometimes, (at least right now) I don’t even want to believe what is; what is reality and truth.
It’s a tightrope: balancing between reality and hope (at least right now). For me to more honestly accept reality feels less hopeful (at least right now). For me to stay in hope feels like a straying from reality (at least right now). They aren’t mutually exclusive, I realize, but (at least right now) the movement toward one feels like it shrouds the other. How to let both be true? How to acknowledge and even accept reality and hope?
I should be able to walk this one blindfolded: the tightrope of ambivalence. It has become so familiar to me. Still, I feel the desire/demand for one emotion and reality to be true instead of both. I’m tired of balancing and wonder if the net will catch me if I decide to just slip and fall.
Reality: If it feels bad, it probably is. Acknowledge what hurts. Accept what is true. Eyes wide open.
Hope: At least right now. Acknowledge desire. Accept and trust my intuition’s truth. Heart wide open.
Eyes and heart wide open. A tightrope, indeed (at least right now).
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I heard a part of a discussion on the radio yesterday where they were talking about the use of sarcasm and cynicism is an escape from truth. After reading this I have to admit I think I use sarcasm and cynicism as an escape from the agony of the truth.
Thanks for sharing,
Patty
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