You must take living so seriously that even at seventy, for example, you’ll plant olive trees — and not for your children, either, but because although you fear death you don’t believe it, because living, I mean, weighs heavier.
(Nazim Hikmet, Turkish poet, persecuted during the Cold War for his communist views, 1901-1963)
I love this quote. I love the idea of planting olive trees – not for my children, but for myself. I love the acknowledgment of death but the reality that life weighs heavier. Taking living seriously.
What does this mean, exactly? I have a few ideas:
I live my life not in “some day” or “if only” categories but in ways that are reflective right now of what I want, intend, need, and hope.
I believe in my worth, my strength, my beauty, my voice, my influence, my capacity to give and receive love.
I love without limits; with abandon and passion, and with absolutely no editing or censoring.
I hug my daughters more. I tell them again and again how amazing and beautiful and brilliant they are.
I stop worrying about the “how-to” and instead just start/do what I want, live as I desire, be who I am.
I never ever make myself smaller, quieter, or more acceptable (whatever the hell that means!).
I write my damn book already.
Even as I type this list I can feel my internal tension. I can feel the part of me that already doubts, already questions, already has Plan B’s in place. I want to be like Nazim Hikmet: a man who knew extreme persecution and still had the capacity to take living seriously and plant olive trees at the same time. Clearly, he wasn’t living with Plan B’s in place. How is that possible? How is it that he has somehow found (or at least pursued) a balance between today and tomorrow; between action and intention; between reality and imagination? I do not know.
I paused after typing those last words. I thought again. I took some deep breaths. And I proceed.
I do know how he did it; this holding on to seriousness and hope simultaneously. It’s what I do all the time. It’s what I have done over and over again. It’s what I will do, endlessly. Not because I’m so amazing (though even saying this denies one of my list-items above…), but because it’s the stuff of life, because it’s both/and and ambivalence embodied and lived out on a day-to-day basis, because it’s what I do. I can’t not. And I don’t think I’m the only one…
Hear the voice of Nazim Hikmet again. He invites. He provokes. He is dangerous with beauty and meaning. (Mmmmm. I need to add those last three sentences to my list above! And then I need to go plant some olive trees!)
Living is no laughing matter: you must live with great seriousness like a squirrel for example – I mean without looking for something beyond and above living, I mean living must be your whole occupation.
However and wherever we are, we must live as if we will never die.
…and the most beautiful words ever spoken, I have not yet said to you.
Taking living seriously. Living as my whole occupation. Living as if I will never die. Speaking beautiful words. Planting olive trees.
2010 is going to be an amazing year!
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“Living as if I will never die.”
I beg to differ. If I think I will live forever, I can put things off “until tomorrow.” It is better to live knowing I will die, maybe soon, and then I know I don’t have all the time in the world. Then I will seriously work at adding word after word after word to my book, knowing I have only a small bit of time to do it — or it will be lost.
Earlier this year I learned that I had already had at least two heart attacks and the arteries feeding my heart were blocked. Without quadruple bypass surgery, I wouldn’t be here right now. And the book I am currently writing would never have been started, much less finished.
I wish for you … the knowledge that dying will come soon enough. So LIVE! Live NOW! Relish life and love and laughter. Hug your daughters, knowing the time to do it is now, not later. There may not be a later.
And while you are at it, go ahead and plant that olive tree! If you don’t live until tomorrow, you will have enjoyed the planting of the tree and the joy it represents.
.-= Bonnie Jacobs´s last blog ..When Everything Changed ~ a teaser =-.
So beautiful, Bonnie. Thank you! And your life is clearly an example of one who has lived seriously…and planted olive trees. I’m grateful!
Ronna… I am impressed and inspired by your eloquence, honesty, willingness to dig deep, be vulnerable and voice your truth. As was said to me recently, “You don’t play a small game with yourself, do you?!”
Yes! Write that damn book!
Sharon…
Thanks, Sharon. So much.
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