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Women Joining & Healing

I feel like I am drowning in a sea of opinions, disasters, tragedies, trauma, harm, violence, and misunderstanding – every bit of this present on social media. It is the sea in which many of us find ourselves swimming – reaching for a life-ring or anything which will allow us to feel just a bit more safe, a bit more attached, a bit less graspy and gasping.

Still, many, many times and days, it just sucks us under and swallows us whole.

Or maybe it’s just me.

I’m not suggesting that we no longer engage with social media. (Though that may be the exact-right answer for you).

What I am suggesting is that we turn within our very selves, listen to the profound-and-powerful wisdom we already hold, and then choose to respond – or not – from there.

So, when I do exactly this? When I listen to the wisdom I already hold? Here’s a bit of what it sounds like: Division, rancor, in-fighting, and accusations are the expertly-wielded tools of the patriarchy.

“Divide-and-conquer is its strategy,” my friend Lianne says. I don’t want to perpetuate any aspect of the patriarchy. I want something better, something redemptive, something healing, something strong.

I want the opposite of divide-and-conquer. I want to join-and-heal. I want to call forth and witness the Feminine – invited, embodied, enfleshed, and intentionally taking precedence over all else.

It’s dicey, I realize. Incredibly important voices – almost always those that have been silenced – need to be heard. Perspectives and experiences need to be honored. Wrongs need to be righted. Responsibility needs to be taken. And both integrity and accountability need to be not only demonstrated, but lived by. This applies to me, to be sure. And to you. To all of us.

Here’s what I keep returning to:

As women, we have the capacity to do all of this and then some – to honor our distinctives, our opinions, our stories, and especially our differences – AND come together, stay together, join-and-heal.

Don’t we?

YES!!! We do!

This is what women have done throughout all of time: they have gathered, they have joined, they have healed – themselves, others, and their communities/world. And in their best moments (if not lifetimes) they have set aside their differences – while acknowledging that they still exist – in order to offer each other the kindness, respite, support, respect, and strength needed to face another day. In Red Tents, in Sacred temples, in underground churches (even above-ground churches), in hidden rooms-basements-barns, in quilting circles, in book groups, in domestic violence shelters, in recovery movements, in neighborhood coffee gatherings, and yes, even in Facebook groups.

We join. We listen. We do our best to understand. And in such, we heal. When we don’t understand, when we struggle to listen, and even when we disagree, we still-and- always stand alongside one another in unity, compassion, empathy, and commitment. UNSWERVING COMMITMENT. To each other. To the shared-and-common-and-human difficulties, challenges, struggles, and beauty inherent in a woman’s life; in all women.

And why? Because we recognize in each other the profound and ineffable strength that must be encouraged, fanned-into-flame, called forth, sustained, and believed in! We recognize that WE are the ones to do this. And we KNOW that if we do not,
no one else will.

There are stories, stories, stories in my mind of when and where women have done exactly this. I could tell them to you. But what feels far more relevant and hopeful is to follow their lead: to gather, listen, honor, befriend, take the high road, say we’re so, so sorry, even forgive, and let every bit of our innate and indomitable wisdom reign.

Whether it’s Donald Trump or Harvey Weinstein or Black Lives Matter or Puerto Rico or immigration reform or LGBTQ awareness or any and every other thing that matters…deeply…truly…always…

…what matters most is that WE CHOOSE EACH OTHER – NO MATTER WHAT.

I get it: this is far easier said than done. But WE ARE UP TO THE TASK!

Maybe it is just me. Maybe. But I am not naive. I am a woman who knows-knows-knows what is right and generous and kind and nurturing and healing and beautiful and good and, and, and.

I am not willing to perpetuate the status quo – no matter how risky or scary or old or irrelevant I may sound.

And I’d rather not do this alone.

Will I tell you what I want?

A friend loaned me a book last week that I can’t put down. It’s called Women and Desire: Beyond Wanting to be
Wanted by Polly Young-Eisendrath. Check this out:

…as successful as (many) women have become, they often feel “out of control” in their personal lives. Although they can speak openly and passionately about the values and principles they believe in, and defend others’ rights, they still resist claiming and asserting personal needs and desires, especially when these are in conflict with others’. They fear being seen as too bossy or too self-absorbed.

There is something in me that reacts to this (and not favorably), while another part of me that knows it all too well. I am good at speaking openly and passionately about ideas and concepts, but when it comes to things I’m passionate about on my own behalf – both professionally and
personally? Well, that becomes a different story altogether.

I’ve been working a lot on this – diligently (and even passionately) – and I believe I’m making progress. It’s a challenge, though, to unlearn such well-taught and well-honed skills.

What does it mean for women to speak boldly of our own desires? Not desire for desire’s sake, but professionally, relationally, systemically, culturally, theologically. What does it mean to continue to speak and name what we see? To willingly choose to use our god-
given gifts of perception, intellect, and experience to provide alternative perspectives on things that often go unnoticed which can then cause subtle (and sometimes blatant) harm. What does it mean to have the courage to continue to speak, period?

All of this and then some is what I want
so deeply to be true for me – and for those with whom I live, work, and love. That’s what they deserve. That’s what I deserve.

In a similar vein, I read an article last night by the author of Finally Feminist: A Pragmatic Christian Understanding of Gender. Though I struggle a bit with both the title and the general idea of the book, there was one paragraph that caught my attention and has stuck with me the past couple of days: 

[She] urges women not just to wait for a brighter day, but to speak up now, and particularly about the small things…She points out that repeated small slights constitute large-scale social patterns of repression–that mountains can, in fact, arise out of the accumulation of molehills. So women can and must do something to keep the pattern from being reinforced.

I want to speak. Not because I have something urgent that needs to be shouted out, time and again, until it’s heard (though that is true) but because I want to be seen and known fully for who I most truly am, not some censored, edited version.

Yep. That’s what I really want.