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Sophia

Wisdom seeking is difficult because, as Martha Nussbaum has written, “Knowing can be violent, given the truths that are there to be known.” What this means for us is that in order to live on wisdom’s path, we will have to give up the illusion of safety. If we try to secure our safety, we will continually be doomed to dwell in fields of hesitation, stalled in neutral, forever wavering in the wind. ~ From Chasing Sophia, by Lillian Calles Barger

In this place, this time, this world, where do we turn for wisdom?

There are many places, many voices, many sources to be sure. And some are better than others. The one I encourage (and the one I work to rely upon myself)? The wisdom that’s yours! That know-that-you-know-that-you-know voice within that sometimes whispers, sometimes shouts, and is always speaking.

How do I know? And how can you trust that this is so, that what you hear is reliable, trustworthy, and true?

Enter Sophia.

Wisdom Herself. Present at all times. The word itself that’s used to define and describe such knowing in the Sacred Text. And yes, a woman.

She’s one of the 52 stories I reimagine, retell, and redeem through SacredReadings. And it’s possible that She is the one who will choose you for 2019 and beyond.

Believe me: no matter who shows up on your behalf, whether Sophia or not, the wisdom (and encouragement and blessing and hope) within will speak perfectly and poignantly to and for you. I promise. How and why can I do such a thing? Because their wisdom (and encouragement and blessing and hope) continue to speak to me – over and over again.

And what I’ve come to realize is this:

These ancient, sacred stories of women are in our blood – longing to be heard and everpresent – offering us all the wisdom we desire and deserve. They are our matrlineal line and birthright. They are yours.

There is nothing you need to figure out

I see the tears behind your eyes. I know about that lump in your throat. I hear the thoughts that swirl in your mind – every single one of them: you long for things to change, you wish for different circumstances, you want to live a more significant story.

In-between the reality in which you dwell and the one you desire, there is an ache that will not be soothed, despite your best efforts – whether through good soul work or dulling dissociation. I watch as you persist in the belief that something is missing; you think there is something you’ve yet to attain or manage or get past/through before you can truly step into your place in this world, before you can step into the stunning story that is yours.

All of this breaks my heart on your behalf.

Because I know better. Because I can see the end from the beginning. Because I have perspective you do not. Because I can see exactly who you are, all that you offer and invite.

Right now, not someday. This very moment in time.

Who am I to know such things? I have been in existence since before the beginning of time. I was there when the earth was formed. I breathed your matrilineage into being, whispering the Wisdom that was hers, that has forever been hers, that is hers (and yours) still. My heart beats within every story of every woman who has ever lived. And I endure no matter the oppression, the silencing, the abuse, the fear (of which there has been a lot).

Nothing and no one can keep me down, no matter how it might seem, appear, or feel. I am the you that rises above all that restricts, restrains, limits, or binds. I am the crystal clear voice that may, as yet, not speak out loud, but that is no less real, wise, and right. I am your potential. I am your future. And more than all else, I am your present – right here, right now, exactly this day, this life, this you. Always. Endlessly. Infinitely.

Lean into the truth of this. Let the tears flow in relief. Let the lump in your throat dissolve as your voice sings out. Let the thoughts that swirl rest. You are not alone. You are not alone. You are not alone. And you need not wait for things to change. Your right-now story, life, and way-of-being is enough, perfect, amazing. You are.

There is nothing you need figure out or rise above.

All that you require, desire, and deserve is already yours. Reach within. Square your shoulders. Stand tall. Take a deep breath. Then step into the limelight, enter the fray, and embrace the truth of who you are: my daughter, my lineage, my kin.

*****

I am completely-and-without-reservation convinced of every word I’ve written above.

They could be are spoken by every one of the ancient, sacred women whose stories I love; by the Sacred Feminine herself. The legacy by which we are transformed; the stunning story through which we will transform the world.

May it be so.

Go Into the Darkness.

Gazing into the mirror, I saw myself as I was – a black silhouette in the room, a woman whose darkness had completely leaked through. ~ Sue Monk Kidd, The Mermaid Chair

It is into the darkness that we are beingcalled – those of us who are wise andlovely. Underwater. Into the woods.Further down. Deeper in.

As I talk to other women about this, they intuitively understand exactly what I mean.They nod their heads, smile slightly, and sigh. We *clink* our glasses (virtually or real) and wonder where it will lead, what we will yet discover, how we will emerge – if we do at all.

We do not fear. This is no scary unknown that threatens to overwhelm. No, this is a provocative darkness of swirling power and endless potential – a return to some earlier knowing, primal experience, and ancient home.

This is a darkness of beauty, seduction, and irresistible pull. This is a darkness in which we gather up all our force, all our wisdom, and every ounce of volume we’ve neglected to express (or which we’ve been taught to suppress). This is a darkness that holds, that nurtures, that restores.

This is a womb, a safe haven, a coven-like embrace of the Feminine. It’s sacred. Witch cauldrons boiling. Secret formulas whispered. Dark magic practiced. It’s exactly what we’ve longed for longer than we can remember. It tugs at a part of us we’ve forgotten…but…we are remembering at an increasingly exponential pace.

In this darkness we speak a language that does not yet make sense on the surface, in our day-to-day life. It’s guttural, before time, and cryptic. Still, we recognize and respond to this native, mother tongue. And we know that once we’ve re-mastered it, we will never speak the same way (or of the same things) ever again.

The longer we are here, the more our eyes adjust, the more our throats loosen their too-familar constriction, the slower our hearts beat.

At first, just shapes and long-neglected senses, now faces, voices, parts of the self that have been in hiding – waiting to be found. And so many other women. Those who have been here all along, holding our place in the circle. They immediately welcome us – faces aglow in the sacred fire that crackles, beckons, and burns. Eve. Lilith. Hagar. Mary Magdalene. The Woman at the Well. Pandora. Psyche. Demeter. Medusa. Sophia.

Here, in the darkness, our eyes can see all, our voices speak unfettered, and our pulse throbs in a rhythm that comforts and heals.

We have no intention of leaving.

You know of what I speak. The undertow that precariously upsets your footing, but thrills you somehow. The branches that scratch at your arms as you enter the forest – willing and wondering.

Keep walking. Listen to the trees. Let go. Trust the tides, the waves, the water, your tears. Take a deep breath, dive, and then exhale – certain that when needed, you can and will inhale. All that you need, all that sustains, all that supports, encourages, and empowers awaits you. It has always been here.

Go into the darkness. I’ll meet you there.

*****

As I have written this post, I have wanted for more articulate language; for some way of making sense of all that I am feeling and sensing within – this darkness that calls and willingly consumes. Then I realize: that’s the way of it, the way of the darkness – at least for now. No translation required. No justification. No argument. No reasoning. No reasons. Just dark and beautiful and home. If we will go there, if we will gather there, if we will stay there, we will find one another. And then, together and grateful, we will dance and sing. We will toast with endless, delicious elixir. We will speak in a thousand tongues. We will look into each other’s eyes. We will be seen and known.

One last thing – at least for now: this can and does happen at any moment and at any time, all the time. Because deep calls to deep and like knows like. So look for the darkness and trust that it is looking for you.

Once found, once seen, once experienced, once felt, even in the slightest and most surreptitious of ways, you’ll know exactly what I mean. You’ll nod your head, smile slightly, sigh, and then *clink* your glass with the rest of us. Welcome home.

Into the darkness they go, the wise and the lovely. ~ Edna St. Vincent Millay

Sophia and Quantum Physics

I had to figure out how to find Sophia. Or make the space for her to find me. One day I came to realize that she’s been here all along. Through all my questions she continues to hold my hand. She nudges. Cajoles. Entices. Winks. ~ Karen Speerstra, Sophia: The Feminine Face of God

I have often wondered how my life might have been different if I’d known of Sophia; if god was a woman; if I had realized and felt that I was supported, surrounded, and upheld by the Feminine – in spirit, in form, and within.

I can only wonder, for this is not what I have known.

Rather than wallow in regret, I can, with gratitude and awe, recognize that whether I knew Her or not, even realized She existed, She has been here all along.

That’s the beauty of truth: aware, or not, has no influence or impact on its reality, its presence, its activity in our lives.

Consider gravity. Even if I do not understand it at the most scientific of levels (which I do not), its truth is no less present nor its reality any less felt. Or how about Quantum physics? (Let me be clear: no comprehension at all!) But I see its outworking and mysterious, mystifying reality around me – all the time and without question.

It’s the not-knowing, not needing to recognize, and not actually having to be aware that makes truth and its power and presence so beautiful, winsome, and undeniable.

And if we can know, do recognize, and are aware? Delight, gift, and grace.

Sophia (along with gravity and Quantum physics) has existed, acted, and stayed even when unacknowledged, unknown, un-understood, and unseen. And if that weren’t good news enough, then this: when all is said and done, it takes the pressure off when it comes to the sacred, the divine, and any understanding of (or even belief in) god – or not. It’s just not about us.

This means the slightest of winks or most tender of nudges is also nothing more (and certainly nothing less) than delight, gift, and yes, grace.

(You can imagine Sophia’s smile right now, can’t you?)

May it be so.