Emme left a comment on one of my posts a few days back:
The thing that trips me up sometimes about “following my heart” is that danged bible verse that reminds me ever so “gently” that the heart is deceitful above all things. I mean, seriously. WTF? And I don’t use that phrase lightly. I’ve been a very “good girl” for a very long time, bible reading and believing included. I still believe, but dude. That verse is really a downer! (and a confuser!)
And then these words from Meg:
I would love to say to Emme that although the passage she quoted is definitely disheartening, being advised not to dim our lights is a worthy and clear message too. Being a ‘good girl’ in the shadows is overrated. This is why Matthew 5:14-16 is one of my favorites. Holy guacamole, I can’t believe I referenced the Bible! It’s been a while since that’s happened. Apart from Ezekiel 25:17, of course. Because I’m a Pulp Fiction fan.
Despite our ever-maturing age and changing (or abandoned) theologies, there are verses, stories, and songs that stay lodged in our heads, often without our conscious awareness of such. In odd and surprising moments they come back to us and cause responses like Emme’s, “WTF?!” or Meg’s, “Holy guacamole!”
What is their hold on us? Why do they shockingly re-emerge and send us reeling into some twilight zone between the logical, learned thought we pride ourselves on and the fear of complete and utter religious craziness?
Here’s the thing: I do not think these verses, stories, or songs are crazy. What’s crazy is the way they’ve been interpreted and (mis)applied throughout thousands (but mostly hundreds) of years of organized religion, constructed theology and accompanying praxis/politic.
To return to my reflection on Natalie Goldberg’s words, the verses, stories, and songs are “first thoughts.” The ones that haunt us are not just second or third thoughts, but 30th or 40th. And sadly, we don’t know anything other. We need first thoughts.
Emme’s flashback on the words, “The heart is deceitful above all things,” compels us straight into the well-known traps of guilt and shame. 30th or 40th thoughts. But first thoughts would call us back to the original text and invite us to wonder anew about the recorded words of a prophet named Jeremiah. A man who defied all structures of power to say what needed to be said. Who suffered much and spoke anyway. Who trusted his own heart. And it was not deceitful.
Meg’s recall could send us into PTSD-like memories of singing a simple Sunday song: “Hide it under a bushel, no! I’m gonna let it shine” and “Don’t let Satan blow it out. I’m gonna let it shine.” At least 10th or 15th thoughts. But first thoughts would call us back to the original text and invite us to wonder anew about the recorded words of a revolutionary named Jesus. A man who defied all structures of power to say what needed to be said. Who suffered much and spoke anyway. Who trusted his own heart. And did not hide it (or his light) under a bushel.
If we could return to them, to first thoughts, we would undoubtedly find them to be quite beautiful and profound – whether poetry or prose, myth or miracle, archetype or historical narrative. Few tomes trace thousands of years of history and give us deep and penetrating glimpses into entire cultures of people. Few texts invite us to the origin, development, and implementation (as well as misuse) of beliefs that have shaped history more than any other force. And few collections of verse, story, and song have the power to compel millions of people throughout time to places of profound meaning and hope.
The first thoughts of scripture are hard to come by. But so are our own. Both are needed – to keep us from religious flashbacks and PTSD, for sure – but more, to invite us into places of truth and beauty oft’ forgotten, sadly lost, and achingly absent within and without.
First thoughts have tremendous energy. It is the way the mind first flashes on something. The internal censor (or external reality of religious history) usually squelches them, so we live in the realm of second and third thoughts, thoughts on thought, twice and three times removed from the direct connection of the first fresh flash.
The first fresh flash. What if that’s what Jeremiah spoke? What if that’s what Jesus spoke? And what if that’s what we were able, somehow, in our own first fresh flash to hear? And not only hear, but speak? Ah, truth-telling. And beauty.
Everything would change.
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{ 10 comments… read them below or add one }
Thank you so much for this post! I’ve been thinking a lot about it since my comment as well, and I think I need to remember that perhaps what is really meant by “heart” in that verse is “flesh”….without spiritual guidance. As long as I am connected to Spirit, checking in with God and my own spirit, when these two merge…then I can trust my heart. Being Spirit-Led I think is the key. Funny that I can forget that I know these things at times!
I agree with you and wonder what it means to understand “spirit” as something of the divine that dwells within; some spark of the Divine Feminine with which we are imbued. As such, it’s not a presence that is sometimes with us and sometimes not; rather, a deep knowing, a deep wisdom that is ours, in which we can trust. I’m still working all of this out in my own mind/life, but it intrigues me and feels like an important distinction as I seek to create new metaphors and imagery (as well as come to the Biblical text) that allow for first-thoughts, fresh thoughts, redeemed thoughts. Thanks, Emme.
“I do not think these verses, stories, or songs are crazy. What’s crazy is the way they’ve been interpreted and (mis)applied throughout thousands (but mostly hundreds) of years of organized religion, constructed theology and accompanying praxis/politic.”
A-friggin-men, sister! (On a lot of verses, by the way, and I’m so going to have to talk about Jer. 29:11 soon. ha)
Here’s the thing though.
I believe what is meant by that verse is exactly what it says. I think it does mean ‘heart’. We can deceive ourselves with our own hearts. Who amongst us didn’t think that guy was the guy we wanted to believe that guy was? Our hearts deceived us. (Then again, our hearts knew. So maybe it was our minds that deceived us. Then again, scripture tells us that we can ‘prophesy’ from our own imaginations. So……we’re human and get all these ideas sometimes….
)
So yeah. I think there is danger in taking the ‘follow your heart’ advice too much to heart. I’ve walked that road. My heart deceived itself.
But as Emme just commented, “as long as I’m connected to Spirit, checking in with God and my own spirit, when these two merge…..”
There’s the glory. There’s the point where we find we do not deceive ourselves.
I always step back from the ‘follow your heart’…..’do what you love and the money will follow’ type of advice. It sounds good. But our hearts do deceive and our wishes also have to combine with Spirit, God, and the travesty of reality called ‘what pays the bills’.
Having said that? When our hearts are true? When they’re dead on? When they do align with Spirit and God and what the market will bear? (ha)……Bliss, sweetheart…..pure…unadulterated bliss.
Love you!
Love all you do!
deb
Lots in here, Deb. And I know you’re in the mix of thinking all these things through AND looking for new ways in which to understand old precepts. Thanks for your reflections, your honesty, your support, your presence.
This post is amazing – it articulated better than I could have what I feel about organized religion and what is just accepted as truth in churches – but there are so many layers of years and years of rules, judgement, and protocol that the truth is lost somehow.
Looking at the Scriptures from a fresh perspective is something I am falling in love with. There are a lot of moments when judgement creeps up and a voice in my head starts screaming “what right do YOU have to interpret these verses on your own, that is clearly NOT what you were taught in Sunday school”. But the fresh perspective feel so full of truth and right. Scripture is strong enough to stand on its own – the years and years of added interpretation, 2nd – 150millionth thoughts just tarnishes it, adding layers of dirt and grime.
Thank you for writing
‘Love your words here, Rachel. And I LOVE that you are falling in love with the Scriptures. That’s not what we’re taught in church/organized religion too much of the time; rather how to understand, parse, and apply. The mystical, passionate, and creative approach to the text has not been emphasized or even spoken of in many contexts. To stumble upon such a possibility is like a love affair, indeed. ‘Would love to hear your interpretation(s)!
YES! The scriptures are soooo mystical and passionate. Much different than the rule book many people were brought up to believe the Bible is.
Reading your blog is so amazing. I rush through so many emails – but the feed from your blog is one I want to savor – like rich, dark chocolate or something. It is really inspirational
Oooh, to be compared to rich dark chocolate? There’s nothing better. I accept that compliment – and SO appreciate your words, your presence, your encouragement, Rachel. Thank you.
This is my first time finding your site and posting something! I latched right onto it when I read entrepreneur, feminist, and ex-church goer – three in one! I was a Christian for 30 years and along with the myriad of refreshing new things that I’m learning and thinking about these days (like appreciating creatures, plants and stars for their own sake, feeling free to think and do what I want, and seeing that people have more potential, complexity and beauty than I thought possible), I also often get the over-memorized Bible verses and Christian teachings popping into my head very often. The thing is, even though they flash across the screen of my mind with the same meanings they had before, I’m able to give them new ones right there on the spot. Like with the ‘damning’ verses (all the verses that talk about different ways to put yourself in hell), when put side by side it’s plain that if they were taken as truth, everyone ever born would go to hell, crossreferencing gymnastics notwithstanding. Either that or some verses are full of human wisdom if not theological wisdom (‘pearls to pigs’ is one of my favourites when sharing a valued insight that someone sloughs off).
I’m learning to ride out the fear that accompanies these ‘first thoughts’ and wait for my brain to kick in. Thanks for the post.
So lovely, Amy. I’m glad you “found” me and I’m even more grateful that you chose to comment. Clearly, we’re tracking in some experiential and thought realms. It’s a wide gulf – this moving from memorized verses to allowing them to mean something different (and sometimes less and sometimes even more). That’s the space I love to play in – sometime irreverently, but always in hope that new meanings will invite new and deeper experiences of life. ‘Look forward to ongoing conversations with you! Thanks again for being here!
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