It’s been a long weekend – and not all that great of one. Sure, we had the roller-skating party for Abby on Saturday, I watched a couple of relatively good movies in the comfort of my own home, I got 5 loads of laundry done, and I made homemade Minestrone and bread for dinner tonight. That should be enough to have me encouraged by the weekend’s activity, wouldn’t you think. But it doesn’t…and I’m not.
It’s been a long weekend – filled with insecurities, fears, and a myriad of other emotions. I’m not crazy about such. And believe me, I gave myself a number of talkings-to. I know better – about the talkings-to, I mean. I know the language to use, the self-talk, the positive affirmations. And deep inside, I know them to be true; but my affect and my overall mood would not be impacted. I’ve remained moody, admittedly a bit snippy, and now, on Sunday evening, just wanting to go to bed…It’s nearly 9:00. Not long now.
Meandering: verb
1. to proceed by or take a winding or indirect course: the stream meandered through the valley.
2. to wander aimlessly; ramble: The talk meandered on.
Melancholy: noun
1. a gloomy state of mind, esp. when habitual or prolonged; depression.
2. sober thoughtfulness; pensiveness.
Yep. That’s me: meandering and melancholy. My thoughts have wandered aimlessly – and I have let them ramble around in my head. Going nowhere. Leading nowhere. Directionless. Lost. And yes, a gloomy state of mind. “Sober thoughtfulness” even sounds too good. I’ve just been gloomy – like Eyore. Like Eyore, but not nearly as endearing…wandering around with no purpose and no particular aim.
It’s true: I’m being a bit hard on myself. Primarily because I don’t like having these feelings; spending my time with these thoughts. But I’m also able, in small shafts of sunlight, to hold on to myself, to remember that this too shall pass, to allow myself to rest…even if only for moments at a time…knowing that I won’t be wandering aimlessly or gloomily for long. Tomorrow will come. Routine will resume. Weekend travelers will return. School will start. Clients will appear. Phone calls will be made. Emails will be received and sent. More blog posts will be written. Yes, this too shall pass.
But for the rest of tonight I’m guessing I’ll keep meandering. I’ll keep feeling melancholy. And I’ll put on some good music. This too shall pass…
Perfect for this night: listening to India Arie sing, This Too Shall Pass. It’s a beautiful song. I’ve been listening to it a few times while attempting to get it linked here. It encourages my soul.
Meandering and Melancholy. And yes, this too shall pass. What is that therapeutic expression? “Emotions are not good or bad; they just are.” OK. So my emotions this weekend are not bad – nor are they good, clearly. And I am not defined by them. They just are. I just am. I can handle them. I can hold on to me.
Meandering and Melancholy. This Too Shall Pass.
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Often, my nights look like this: a good song, a glass of wine, and some meandering melancholy thoughts.
Good to know I am not alone – and neither are you.
xo
Lindsey
.-= Lindsey´s last blog .. =-.
Thanks, Lindsey. No…not alone. Thanks for the reminder.
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