I can feel the silence within me. It is deep, strong, dark, passionate, swirling, boiling, pulsing. A witch’s caldron. A brewing storm. A lump in my throat. And as much as it longs (and fully intends) to make its way into audible sound, spoken word, written wisdom, and lived truth, it holds back. Me, too.
Waiting and listening, I’m nurturing, protecting, and keeping safe a growing, gestating force within.
It will not be ignored. Undivided attention is demanded and required. Deep breaths.
It’s no wonder my tendency has been high to avoid it, to stay away from silence, to keep myself in places of din, distraction, and dissociation.
It has every intention of being heard, expressed, made manifest. Me, too.
These days, I’m letting it speak: this silence. I’m staying quiet. Hibernating. Listening to its roar. Trusting that its form will yet be made known; that I will have the strength and capacity to push, to breathe, to birth. Labor and delivery ahead. Blood. Sweat. Tears. And the blessed sound of silence broken by a sacred scream.
It’s me that’s being birthed. It’s my sacred scream. It will, at least for me, be ear-splitting, earth-rending, heart-breaking, soul-healing, and world-changing.
Maybe for you, too.
May it be so.
The audio version. My voice “speaking” of this silence.
Multiple times in the past few weeks, almost eery in its repetitiveness, I have had conversations with women – clients, friends, even near-strangers – who are feeling the same thing: something growing within that remains formative and silent, but hardly quiet. I would wonder if you’re feeling it, too. If so, you’re not alone. Let me know if you want to talk.