Your soul walks around astonished every moment by the miracle of breath, pie, and warm breezes on bare skin, by fat raindrops sizzling on hot asphalt, dog’s ears and good sex…
This is the tip of the iceberg when it comes to the brilliant and heart-felt thoughts of Jen Louden when you get her to talking about Savoring and Serving. Much more follows – and all in response to an earlier conversation we had together – over at her site.
Yesterday I was featured over at Savor and Serve. The first in a series of guest posts, Jen asked me what savoring and serving looks like for me, where I struggle, what I hope. I answered. And today, she returns the favor – talking about all of the above and then some.
Click here to read yesterday’s post, our conversation’s start, and then come back over here to enjoy it’s continuation. It’s good, good stuff.
Thanks for playing with me Ronna on my Savor & Serve Experiment and thanks a lot (no, really) for asking me hard questions – I would expect nothing less from you. Your quest for learning and the truth is something I deeply admire about you. Here are my thoughts in response to your questions:
Ronna: Does savoring come naturally to you (or am I the only one who struggles with this)?
Jen: No and yes.
No comes from the parts of me that are full of tightness and worry – my inner Doyle (my dad’s name), my striver, my very practical self who walks around in my head with a clipboard making lists. Those parts of me think savoring is silly, an extra, something you get to when your work is done.
Yes comes from my soul – a big resounding YES! My essential nature is all about savoring. Yours is, too. Your soul walks around astonished every moment by the miracle of breath, pie and warm breezes on bare skin, by fat raindrops sizzling on hot asphalt, dog’s ears and good sex, by baby’s lips pressed in a perfect O against the upstairs window when you come home at night. The VijnanaBhairava Tantra sutras (translated by the brilliant Lorin Roche) describe it this way: ”Know that this ambrosia is available to you/Everywhere, for the universe is made out of it./Simply go to the intersection of flesh and spirit,/Breathe the tiny sparks that fly.” You have experienced that intersection so many precious times. Savoring means spending more and more of your time in the intersection, and trusting that it is real and true and life giving.
Ronna: How do you think of and integrate service into all the realities (and pressures) of your everyday life?
Jen: By creating a new story of service.
A story that puts service at the heart of our lives. Stop putting service in a box, something we do after work or school or when we have made X amount of money in the bank. And stop making it all special and noble, something you do after you become a saint.
What is your current story of service? Is it a should? Does service = being drained dry? That you must be poor? Work at a non-profit? Wear hemp? Write down your current story. Then get curious: what would be the story of service as joy? Of soulful lightness and meaning? Start having that conversation with your friends – and keep dropping the shoulds!
And…Be clear: You will only inhabit this level of service when you are also taking care of yourself. This new story does not have anything to do with martyrdom. It might mean radical changes in your life – I hope it does – but those are changes that lead you to more of what you most want, not less.
And…I hear all the time from clients, friends, on stage at The World Domination Summit, “I just want to be of service” or “I just ask to be of highest service.” Ask yourself: Who or what are you serving? Be willing to be honest with yourself – you might not like what you hear, it might not be so saintly. You might want to say ”I am serving God” when really, you are serving your desire to be special and get a lot of attention, or to have a certain level of comfort in your life. That’s okay! See it, own it, and love what you serve. That is the path to integration. When we know what we serve, it’s far easier to create a story of service that flows through everything and evolves with us.
Ronna: Are there any ways in which you think of savoring and/or serving as extensions of faith? How about feminism? And of course, telling the truth?
Jen: But of course. Savoring and serving is not possible without truth-telling.
Telling the truth about what lights your hearts up and taking the time to appreciate it, let it in, for starters. Truthfully claiming what you most care about – and taking truthful action to support it, is also vital. I was playing with Google Earth last night and I said to my partner, with tears in my voice, “Wow, this really makes me feel how much I love the world.” The truth is our hearts are breaking over the state of the planet with so many people and animals on it – face that truth with compassion and gentle love for yourself. Let’s not hide from it anymore.
That brings us to faith. You’ve got to have faith that your savoring and serving matters – that it matters more than how much money we make or how many comments we get on our blog posts (speaking only for myself). Buddhist meditation teacher Sharon Salzberg, writes in her wonderful book Faith, “”No matter what we encounter in life, it is faith that enables us to try again, to trust again, to love again. Even in times of immense suffering, it is faith that enables us to relate to the present moment in such a way that we can go on, we can move forward, instead of becoming lost in resignation or despair.” We are in a time of immense suffering and we need faith that our deepest experiences of connection and work-for-the-common-good count. Pay attention to those deepest experiences, share them with others, value them. And create more of them!
Savoring and serving to me are the essence of my experience of feminism. Savoring who I am and what I want, reminds me of the choices I have, that I would not have had 30 years ago, and that so many women do not have today. Then I can choose to serve in ways that allow more women and girls to have access to those same freedoms – it becomes automatic in some ways. When you savor life, you want more people to have that same freedom. Whether it’s giving money or having conversations with younger women or going to India to work with young women (fingers crossed for an August service trip with my daughter). You take action. You embody choice.
Thanks for the chance to learn and deepen this experiment with you Ronna. Big love!
Thank you, Jen. So much.
{ 10 comments… read them below or add one }
i look good here! thanks for having me.
Totally my pleasure and privilege. Thank you.
“No comes from the parts of me that are full of tightness and worry….Yes comes from my soul – a big resounding YES! ”
Sometimes you need to read a basic truth like this to fully understand patterns you are working through in life. Such was the case for me today. I’ve been dealing with some relationship complexities that go far outside of my experience and comfort zone. And I’ve been fighting them tooth and nail lately, I’ve been saying no. And then I breathe, and close my eyes, and say yes for a minute – and it is simply miraculous the change that occurs. Physical, mental, emotional.
Thank you for this.
‘Love this, Jeanette. Just reading your “read” on what you read, offers me yet another perspective. Wanting more “yes,” for sure. Thanks for being here.
What is your current story of service? Is it a should? Does service = being drained dry? That you must be poor? Work at a non-profit? Wear hemp? Write down your current story. Then get curious: what would be the story of service as joy? Of soulful lightness and meaning? Start having that conversation with your friends – and keep dropping the shoulds!
And…Be clear: You will only inhabit this level of service when you are also taking care of yourself. This new story does not have anything to do with martyrdom. It might mean radical changes in your life – I hope it does – but those are changes that lead you to more of what you most want, not less.
THIS OPENED ME UP TO A WHOLE NEW WAY OF THINKING ABOUT SERVICE – I am so grateful! I am made for service – i know it, God knows it but i tried the drain-every-last-drop-of-juice-out-of-me service and i am still recovering from it …. i want to give but not from that unhealthy paradigm and these words plumped up my soul… thank you both<3
Woohoo! Thanks for sharing your enthusiasm, Jane. So lovely…and powerful.
great insights and love the energy, really helped lift me up today!
I agree! So fun to collaborate – and to see the generative, shared comments/insights/love. Savoring. Savoring. Savoring.
I wrote last night about my desire to teach and to speak. Those are the things I long to do as service. Yet I would never consider myself a teacher in the most common sense (I even hated that game as a child!). But I have yet to figure anything out beyond that.
This has empowered me to keep going and exploring this desire… and to make sure it is priority in my life! Thank you both!
When I think of the word “teacher” for myself, I quickly transition to the word “prophet.” Love it – the weight, the deeply spiritual aspect of it, the meaning, the impact. Undoubtedly, your desire in these realms will continue to show up in both expected and surprising ways. ‘Can’t wait to see where it takes you!