I spent Thursday evening through Sunday morning in the exquisite company of Karen Maezen Miller. She is mother, a wife, a gardener, a brilliant writer of two books, and a Zen Buddhist priest. If you read my most recent newsletter, you got a number of the details, but as you might imagine, there’s so much more.
The place in which I’ve spent the most reflective time has been amidst the fragments and swirls of a conversation we had about my writing, about my write-the-damn-book-already predicament, about the ways in which the day-to-day realities of my life (whether I know/admit it or not) are creating the themes, the structure, and even the table of contents for my book.
Karen has the piercing ability to see and articulate a perspective on my life (complete with all its ambivalence and anxiety) then show me how it is the very thing that will inform and inspire what I must write.
The truth? I’m often reticent to tell my own story. I relatively quickly dismiss the power of my own experiences, my own aches, my own joys and they are the very things that validate my beliefs, my passions, my desires. They are what compel conversations about Faith, the Feminine, and Telling the Truth. They matter. My story matters.
More truth? It’s far easier for me to stay in heady, esoteric, and intellectual/theoretical realms than to explore the depths of my own story. I’d rather stay dry than get wet.
Why? I am afraid. And, if that’s not enough, I talk consistently of the desert (dry vs. wet).
The natural next question is, of course: Why am I afraid? I don’t know the answer to this, at least not completely. But I have ideas. Lots of them. A multitude of thoughts. Spinning hamster wheels. Endless queries. Posturing. Theories…And procrastination.
Karen’s constant, tender, and fierce refrain: “Get out of your head and into your life. Get wet already!” (She probably didn’t say exactly this, but it’s what I heard. My apologies, Karen.)
The irony and/or providence is not lost on me that the very first connection I ever had to Karen was a quote I found many years ago. At the time, I didn’t even know she’d written it, nor, even when I discovered its author, did I have any idea who she was. I typed it up and saw it everyday on the bulletin board in my office. Later, it made its way to my refrigerator door. Later still, I blogged on it. And Karen commented. Who could have known or even imagined that she would participate in my online forum, A Conversational Space and sleep in my daughter Abby’s bedroom three-plus years later?!?
When I re-read the quote, now wrinkled and worn and barely sticking to my fridge, I realized the circle, the returning, the power inherent in my story, my experiences, my life. Even the journey to/with Karen tells it.
There are no right answers. But there is a right question. It’s the one that rubs up against our self-righteousness, resistance, and fears…When you ask yourself, ‘Why not?’ you may find yourself in motion across a vivid and unpredictable landscape; over impossible mountains and beyond the water’s edge, where you surprise yourself, once and for all, by getting wet.
(Karen Maezen Miller, Momma Zen: Walking the Crooked Path of Motherhood
It’s time. Getting wet. Diving off the deep end. Trusting and telling my story. Stay tuned.
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{ 28 comments… read them below or add one }
Ronna – I can’t wait to read it, dear friend.
Julie Daley´s last [type] ..What Is It To Be Female?
Thank you, Julie. Me too!
Ronna, I agree, I’m looking forward to reading your story, also.
But this: “It’s far easier for me to stay in heady, esoteric, and intellectual/theoretical realms than to explore the depths of my own story. I’d rather stay dry than get wet.” kind of surprised me. I had no idea that we had such similarities….bring it on! (of course, the difference is I don’t remember my story, but perhaps one of these days I’ll seriously look over the edge of that gaping hole, and maybe it won’t suck me in…..)
Hugs and butterflies,
~T~
PicsieChick´s last [type] ..Tattered Edges Earned by Living our Truth
I spent years saying exactly these words to myself: “If I start crying, I will drown – and all those around me will drown, as well.” It took a long time before I tested the waters (pun intended) to find out if that was true, or just another lie within. It was a lie. I didn’t drown. In fact, I began to float. A much better place to be. And now, on dry land, standing, I can more easily go back to the water or, in this case, dive in!!! I understand, Teresa. Truly.
Glad you are diving in.
The journey started for me with that statement that popped into my head during a time of silence: “Renae, why do you keep believing the lie that your story doesn’t matter?”
Our stories matter. Telling them matters. Listening to them matters.
We all find healing in telling our own and holding them for others.
Ready, set, jump!
Renae C´s last [type] ..Ten Things I Know
Jumping with you, Renae!!!
The internet is being very spooky at the moment! I’m doing Bindu Wiles’ 21/5/800 and that’s creating lots of very zeitgeist trends.
This morning as I was driving to a small village called Ramsbottom, I was pondering why it’s sometimes so difficult to tell my own story, why I am often reticent to do that and ways in which I can be more open. Then I came home to find your post. Like you, I frequently dismiss my own experiences believing that there’s no real value there. I often write “we” instead of “I” and talk in general terms rather than about specifics. It’s definitely something I am being challenged on right now. Thank you for another cosmic nudge!
‘Love being in the cosmic flow of things, Nicola! Thanks for letting me know. And congrats on doing Bindu’s 21/5/800! That’s fabulous!!!
Yay!
I’ll be first in line to read it.
xo
Well, you probably won’t have to stand in line as I’ll send you one with a ribbon ’round it!
Wow. I can SO resonate with this. I believe so deeply in the power of story, and yet I am often reluctant to believe in the power of MY story. And when I DO share my story, I am always checking over my shoulder for the gremlins of my past to whisper “this story has no merit, no truth, no wisdom, and you’ve completely fabricated it in your mind. Sit down and shut up.”
Last week, in a powerful session with Meg Wheatley, we were challenged to dig deeper into our fears. What finally emerged for me was that I am afraid of my own power.
Ooooh. I love this, Heather! The fact that what you really fear is your power is FANTASTIC! Cuz think what it means when you’re no longer afraid. Here’s my voice (shouting over the top of your gremlins): YOUR STORY HAS MERIT, TONS OF TRUTH, MASSIVE WISDOM, AND IT’S ALL TRUE!!!
I think your story is going to be phenomenal! There are many different ways to come to peace with your story, the best way, I think, is to tell it.
Maybe, it’d be helpful to take a shower before you jump in the pool. Could you take the pressure off by writing the ending? Writing the thank you’s? Writing a few little pieces that line up the rest of your story.
I’m writing my book right now, and I’m finding it incredibly overwhelming. So, I’m taking moments to write things that may not fit Out of the Weirdo Box, but take the edge of the anxiety that comes with putting my words down on paper, er, pixels.
Bridget´s last [type] ..Join Us for Rock Star Intuition
Thanks for being here, Bridget, and for your kind and helpful thoughts…’Appreciated!
You know, I had this exact same struggle – I know exactly what you mean. And it’s so stupid because part of us is terrified of getting wet, but this other part is lamenting that we never get to dive in and play. Which, of course, just becomes this terrible, vicious cycle. Then, I wrote that post two weeks ago about Finding Your Voice and spilled my truth and now I’m finding myself in the water and loving it (in fact, I just blogged about this all yesterday). I agree with Bridget, pick one slightly scary but totally doable thing and do it. Start in the middle of the book, or start writing the part of the book that tells us why you think your story won’t be enough for us, or…
It’s totally true about the “right answer” thing. Whenever I freak out about whether I’m doing the right thing I’ll pull out my Tarot or my Runes and do this stupid thing, I’ll ask: Am I on the Right Path? The answer is always obscure because… what’s the “right” path and what’s the wrong one? I suppose there may be a better way to frame the question, but still I suspect the real point is in picking a path and walking it, not in what path you decided to walk!
Yours,
Megan
Megan Potter´s last [type] ..Pagan Inclinations
Thanks for this, Megan. ‘Heading to your blog later today to read all that’s up!!! Good things, clearly! Love that truth-telling!!!
I cannot wait to read what you write. Your story!
Nicki´s last [type] ..Flag Day
Thanks, Nicki. As always, I appreciate you.
Hey Ronna, there are a lot of us who don’t fancy getting doused in water – maybe the mascara will run, or our t-shirts cling, or skirts become see through! I found myself stuck in a rut of teaching what I knew and not developing my learning. I then found that by sharing my learning, it deepened my connection!
I asked myself – Who am I to stand on a pedestal, who am I to think that because I’ve done so much ‘work’ on myself that I know the answers. I don’t and still don’t. I’m finding it a great relief now to share what I’ve still to learn, the obstacles that come up; and more than that, be the living truth that I overcome whatever’s been in the way.
I’m not bothered if my story isn’t interesting any more, it’s my story and after all, it’s only a metaphor.
It’s all individual, not everything has to be shared or told. Some little very private things are just that .. private and for my journal
Jackie Walker´s last [type] ..The Man Through The Window #215800
Love this, Jackie. Clearly, you’ve done the work (which, of course, is ongoing) and now you can unapologetically stand in who you are. Your story may be metaphor but, like mine, it matters! Thank you.
“It’s far easier for me to stay in heady, esoteric, and intellectual/theoretical realms than to explore the depths of my own story. I’d rather stay dry than get wet.”
Aargh – this is *so* me, Ronna!! I think maybe it’s all those years of perfecting my academic writing that’s made me such a fan of the abstract over and above the concrete. I’m trying to break through that veneer, and I have a few good friends that call me out on it when they catch me at it, but I am still v. aware that it’s my fall back position.
Love the quote – will think on it when whenever I find myself scuttling back onto dry land
Amy
xx
amypalko´s last [type] ..21:5:800 – Day 8: The Faith to Fly
Thanks for being here, Amy. the heady thoughts are easier to think and easier to write – but also, sadly, easier to live. The discipline and movement to story and experience, emotion and feeling impacts every single realm of my being. All good. And, as with all good things, easier said than done.
Well, hello there , lady. Wonderful to meet you at The Plunge. Still feeling major ripples up here.
And um, HELLO! Just popped over to your website to say hi, and WOW! We soooo need to get together for lunch. We have so much in common, its a little crazy. 
(Also just followed you on Twitter, so I’ll see you there!)
Oooh. Let’s schedule something then, Emme! I’d love to connect with you. We’ve got a bit of a distance to travel, but somewhere in the middle won’t be bad! Let me know what kind of bandwidth you have for such a thing. Would SO enjoy that!
Jump in my friend! It’s a pool party! Can’t wait for the fun to begin!
Shawna Cevraini´s last [type] ..Cafe Cevraini – 10 Daily Things!
Love this metaphor – the pool party! Good music. Lovely cocktails. Sun! I’m SO there!
Oh this is brilliant! It is so true that we discount how powerful our stories can be to others. I was just talking to a fellow public speaker the other day and explaining that what I’ve realized is the more personal and specific I get with my stories, the more universal they become. I’ve experimented with trying to come up with examples for people that make a point and are already general and universal and they fall flat and people don’t know what I’m talking about. But when I get into the nitty-gritty, wet details of the truth, even down to the minute ones, suddenly everyone is drawn in and knows exactly what I’m talking about. Keep on telling your stories. I love that you found Karen’s quote first and then you found each other later. I’m going to print that one out and add it to my fridge full of quotables and inspirations too.
Thanks for this, Kate. So true. Such a good reminder. Story is the thing. And that thing is our truth. Truth needs to be told! Beautiful! And so glad Karen’t quote will now adorn your fridge as well!!!
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