I’ve been thinking about this quote ever since reading it just over 24 hours ago:
First thoughts have tremendous energy. It is the way the mind first flashes on something. The internal censor usually squelches them, so we live in the realm of second and third thoughts, thoughts on thought, twice and three times removed from the direct connection of the first fresh flash.
Natalie Goldberg, Writing Down the Bones: Freeing the Writer Within
What if we lived in the first realm? What if we let go of second thoughts? And third ones? What if we spoke, wrote, related, responded, loved from the first fresh flash?
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{ 10 comments… read them below or add one }
Oh wow, that feels like living without a filter. Do I trust myself to do that? Am I brave enough? Would it create more positive impact or just end up wreaking havoc? Hmmmm… interesting.
Renae C.´s last [type] ..Spreading the Love
I don’t believe that living from a place of first thoughts would “wreak havoc,” Renae. Though that’s most definitely our fear, our editing, our censoring working overtime – which is why we move to 2nd and 3rd thoughts all the time!!! It’s why we keep adjusting the damn thermostat for everyone else! It’s the whole-deal, I think: this truth-telling, this trusting our first-thoughts as good, pure, true, us!!! (And please know as I type these words they are far more for myself than for you! Aaaaugh!)
A huge fear, the fear that keeps us (me) from letting people truly know me. A fear driven by generations of trauma passed down and stored and feelings relegated to the darkest corners. A fear that causes me not to reach out and make connection.
But I think your reply holds the key to letting go of the fear- and that key is the belief that we are truly good and pure and true just as we are. And while I give that idea lip service, the message I’ve osmosed since before birth, the message of my birth-righted spiritual tradition, says just the opposite.
I’m internalizing the belief in the good, but it is a LONG SLOW process. Affirming community is an essential part.
Still working on that thermostat metaphor… it is a good one. Need to go back and start fresh and capture the first thoughts….
PS – I *heart* Natalie Goldberg
Renae C.´s last [type] ..Spreading the Love
Yes, Renae, a LONG SLOW process, indeed. Undoubtedly, life-long; at least that is my experience thus far! ‘So grateful on your behalf that you are finding places in which you can not only express your feelings, but in which you find yourself enjoyed, heard, seen for who you MOST are…not who others need you to be. Again, so grateful for your vulnerable, candid, beautiful words in this space.
This is something I’m pondering right now too. The thing that trips me up sometimes about “following my heart” is that danged bible verse that reminds me ever so “gently” that the heart is deceitful above all things. I mean, seriously. WTF? And I don’t use that phrase lightly. I’ve been a very “good girl” for a very long time, bible reading and believing included. I still believe, but dude. That verse is really a downer! (and a confuser!)
:-/
On a lighter note, Natalie Goldberg rocks. I really need to dig out my copy of “bones” and re-read. So inspiring!
SO love what you’ve said here, Emme, and I’m now wondering about digging a bit more into that verse. It IS confusing…and potentially just wrong – the way we’ve misapplied and used it over the years. ‘Did a very quick lexicon/etymology search and see some things that I might respond to a bit more specifically yet tonight or tomorrow. Regardless of all that, here’s what I believe: our hearts, your heart CAN be trusted. It is, in some ways, the ONLY thing that can be trusted. It is, in many ways, who you most truly are…the space/seat/center of your truest nature. And further, I believe that our hearts, your heart is good.
So grateful for the prompt you’ve offered here, Emme; and more, your honesty. See? A good heart!
These are hard hamster wheels to get off of. I know. I still feel the pull to their spinning. RESIST!!! More to come…
Wonderful! Like so many things my socially-acceptable-self tries to stomp–I have found that when I immediately act on a “First Thought,” there is an immediate energy that emerges. While acting on whatever that “First Thought” is, I’m physically, mentally and spiritually sure-footed–and incredible things happen. More “First Thoughts,” more action, more positive living. For me, this is my artist-self at work. Especially when in the middle of a photo shoot or a painting, this is where Flow takes over and time disappears.
Unfortunately, too often my socially-acceptable-self hears some comment it perceives as negative. Sometimes a real comment from another human being, sometimes the anticipated/projected comment I allow my brain to generate. Whatever the source–there is the deep clang of the heavy steel door, slamming shut–closing my creative self back in the closet of my fears.
When I’m blessed with a god-tap, like this post–I am reminded of the exercise I was taught many, many years ago. Whatever that “First Thought” is, what is the absolute worst outcome of following it. I could die. Since I have long accepted that I will die eventually–wouldn’t it be better to die doing something I love. And go out laughing.
Thanks!
julianne´s last [type] ..Response cached until Fri 25 @ 1:33 GMT (Refreshes in 12.89 Hours)
LOVE this, Julianne. I love that you’ve connected first thoughts to the creative process and as well, showed the comparison of the heavy steel door. That’s powerful imagery that makes me palpably feel the difference between the two. I’m choosing the first! First thoughts! First actions. First emotions. First responses. And trusting them. Trusting them. Trusting them. Thank you.
Great conversation! :^)
I’m a recovering second-and-third-guesser. It’s as if I don’t trust myself enough to just go with my intuition or more base impulses. And I don’t mean the negative aspects of the base impulses either. I mean those healthy and earthy ones that bolt us to the foundation of who and what we are in the world. I am eccentric, silly and yet deeply serious and intellectual. It’s a combination that some (not all) tend to find confusing. My inclination has been to (second) guess that it must be a bad thing and therefore (third) guess that I should confine myself to social norms befitting my family of origin and chosen career (which was nursing). All this meant I ended up resentful, inauthentic and lonely. The by-product of second-guessing our every word and action is that what comes across to others is not who we really are. Thus, loneliness results. It’s a particular kind of isolation gleaned from years of ‘hiding our light under a bushel’ and diluting ourselves. I would love to say to Emme that although the passage she quoted is definitely disheartening, being advised not to dim our lights is a worthy and clear message too. Being a ‘good girl’ in the shadows is overrated. This is why Matthew 5:14-16 is one of my favourites. Holy guacamole, I can’t believe I referenced the Bible! It’s been a while since that’s happened. Apart from Ezekiel 25:17, of course. Because I’m a Pulp Fiction fan.
Natalie Goldberg is fabulous :^)
Meg´s last [type] ..A few twigs from the tree of wondering. Now with grog.
OK, Meg, I LOVE what you’ve said here (complete with the reference to Emme and another Biblical passage – complete with the shock/humor connected to such). And clearly, this is what you’re speaking of (with 1st thoughts): this combination of “eccentric, silly, and yet deeply serious and intellectual.” Beautiful. And worth trusting, speaking from, shouting!!! Not easy, no. Lonely at times, yes. But true, honest, authentic, you! More, more, more of you! Please!
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