What I am is good enough if I would only be it openly.
(Carl Rogers)
You are enough.
You do enough. You love enough. You create enough. You work enough. You are beautiful enough. You are kind enough. You are generous enough. You are forgiving enough. You are smart enough. You believe enough. You write enough. You hope enough. You try enough. You care enough.
You don’t believe me, do you?
I get it.
I’ve struggled with the same thing. I’ve doubted my enoughness, my worth, my value, my actions, my emotions more times than I can count. And every time I have? I’m not enough…again.
It’s a vicious cycle. A downward spiral. An endless loop.
Enough! You have to stop listening to the lying voices within and tell the truth.
Easier said than done, I know, but here’s the thing:
You already know your truth; what it looks like, feels like, and what its lived-impact will be. It’s no mystery. It’s not hidden.
You’re just afraid. (I’m willing to be wrong on this. It’s a hunch. And grounded in years and years of personal experience…)
It’s one thing to know your truth and it’s an entirely different thing to actually live it. You can already anticipate the waves of resistance, mountains of complaint, and others’ desperate hunger for return to the status quo. You’re afraid you won’t be understood, won’t be accepted, won’t fit in, won’t be loved.
You’re afraid you won’t be enough. Or maybe even worse, too much.
I get it.
I’ve lived there. I’ve taken up residence and built a fortress! And it took a really long time to tear it down. Here’s what I’ve learned:
- Just because your truth creates angst for others doesn’t make it less true – or less worthy of being heard and lived.
- At least to begin with, you may only be able to whisper your truth to yourself. That is enough.
- Slowly, tentatively, you will be able to speak it to others – people you trust and who know you better than you know yourself. They will tell you they’ve been waiting for this day. That is enough.
- Eventually you will test the waters. You will speak/live even a portion of your truth and see what happens. That is enough.
- One day you will wake up and realize that not nearly as many things crumbled as you’d feared; that maybe you are enough, after all.
- And once you get a taste of telling and living your truth, it will never be enough to speak or live a lie.
Tell your truth. Live your truth. It is enough. And so are you.
I’d be honored to have this conversation with you one-on-one. It’s what I love. It’s what I do. Conversation between Renegades. And it’s what you’ll hear over and over again in the the conversations included in 7.7.7.
{ 8 comments… read them below or add one }
You’re right.
1. I don’t believe you.
2. I already know.
3. I am afraid. Bone-terrified, in fact. I’m trying to creep along the tightrope, anyway, but I’m taking such painfully small steps I sometimes wonder if I’ll live long enough to get all the way across! Keep talking. It helps. Thanks.
Mmmm. I so know this tightrope, Lori; the seemingly-small steps. But I promise, the more you take, the bigger they get and before you know it, no net is required. It has been a long journey for me – with many falls – and undoubtedly, more yet to make. So grateful for fellow tightrope walkers in the midst. I’m with you!
Wow, this sure hit the spot for me this morning. The statement, “…or maybe even worse, too much”..
I’ve struggled my whole life with feeling like I was too much. Too much talk, too much laughter, too much volume, too much life, too much drama, too much.
Then I had a very cathartic experience. When the man that I was in love with for over 4 years broke up with me last year, I asked him “Is it because I am too much for you”,,and his reply was “No, I think it is because I am not enough for you”.
I realized at that moment that I have not embraced my true self, and he was right, he wasn’t enough for me, because I am bigger than life and its ok. I am ME. This was a beautiful reminder and lesson that we are truly enough just like we are. Thank you. Have been following your blog for some time now, and I always find some great pearls of wisdom, and seeds to plant in my own life. Thank you for your willingness to share from a deep spot inside. Carolyn
So grateful for your words, Carolyn. And find them so resonant to my own experiences. When I was in grad school I remember a professor saying that a woman’s core issue is that she is too much; a man’s that he is not enough. Clearly, not only the issue but the reality in your particular case. Though undoubtedly painful, I’m glad you were able to rise up and acknowledge your own beauty and strength. Always easier said than done, but once accomplished, it brings a deeper awareness of enoughness – and rest. All so good.
Too much. Yep, I have been told I am too much. I understand. I feel like I am too much for myself. I overwhelm myself.
I almost need to go from knowing that I am enough but knowing that my too-much self if just right. I remember asking someone why i have to be less? She told me that being with me is like trying to take a sip of water from a gushing fire hydrant. I’ve carried that statement for four or five years now. It’s a pretty negative statement.
in 2006/2007 my husband and I were really struggling and we went through a period of time that is was quite peaceful. Because I had taken that fire hydrant statement to heart and I had become less. When my husband talked about how “wonderful” and “peaceful” our life had become I said, “that is because I am being half of who I am” That was a wake up call to him. He realized that he was asking me to be less because he wasn’t enough.
It’s been a steady growth for us … me becoming all that I am; he becoming more of who he is. Worthy of a blog post, I am sure.
But still I am sitting with this Enough statement, trying to hold it and figure it out.
Thanks Ronna for putting these words out there. They come to me and are the whispers of wisdom I need today.
Cynthia´s last [type] ..Brave Girl Giveaway – My Weblog
Powerful stuff, Cynthia, and so familiar to me. I think I’ll write my next post on “You are not too much!” You are definitely not alone in these feelings. Seeing those comments even here on this post, but certainly knowing them for myself. ‘Appreciate your vulnerability, am deeply sorry for the fire-hydrant statement (as I think it’s just a total lie), and am grateful for your presence here. Stay tuned for the next post!
So true…
And yet somehow many of us live in fear of others’ rejection of our truth — of us.
And yet when we accept ourselves, enough as we are, any sort of rejection by others doesn’t weigh as heavily.
But first ,we have to get to that point when we wholly accept our enouhg-ness.
Thanks for a great post.
It’s a long journey isn’t it? This getting to where we can completely accept our enoughness, not second-guess, not play small. I’m glad you’re on the journey with me, Belinda.
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