Today, the following quote appeared in Jen Louden’s blog post:
Perhaps all the dragons in our lives are princesses who are only waiting to see us act, just once, with beauty and courage. Perhaps everything that frightens us is, in its deepest essence, something helpless that wants our love.
(Rilke)
How often has this been true? How often are we consumed and terrified by the dragons, unable to see that they are princesses in waiting. How often are we the ones who are waiting to act; waiting to demonstrate beauty and courage, but wanting full assurance that we’ll be sane, safe, and seen?
Too often.
Dragons are to be slayed (or transformed). And princesses have the capacity to do such.
These images send me instantly to one of my all-time favorite stories, one I used to read to my girls when they were small(er) ~ The Paper Bag Princess.
Elizabeth was a beautiful princess. She lived in a castle and had expensive princess clothes. She was going to marry a prince named Ronald. Unfortunately, a dragon smashed her castle, burned all her clothes with his fiery breath, and carried off Prince Ronald. Elizabeth decided to chase the dragon and get Ronald back.
She looked everywhere for something to wear, but the only thing she could find that was not burnt was a paper bag. So she put on the paper bag and followed the dragon. He was easy to follow, because he left a trail of burnt forests and horses’ bones.
The story continues. Elizabeth outwits the dragon in her efforts to save the Prince. She’s brilliant, witty, cunning, and triumphant. And then, upon finally defeating Ronald’s captor, this:
Elizabeth walked right over the dragon and opened the door to the cave. There was Prince Ronald. He looked at her and said, “Elizabeth, you are a mess! You smell like ashes, your hair is all tangled and you are wearing a dirty old paper bag. Come back when you are dressed like a real princess.”
“Ronald,” said Elizabeth, “your clothes are really pretty and your hair is very neat. You look like a real prince, but you are a bum.”
They didn’t get married after all.
We need to befriend the dragons who are, in fact, our fears; helpless things that want our love. We need outwit the dragons that aren’t all that smart or scary in the first place. And we need to slay the real dragons: the illusions we hang on to, the false loves we sustain, the fantasies we prop up in pretty clothes, the lies we tell ourselves.
Women are both dragon and princess. Full of fire. Strong. Powerful. Regal. Royal. Beautiful – in robe or paper bag. They can manage just fine without Prince Ronald. And they can rebuild burnt forests, befriend orphaned ponies, and recognize that their fears were really not that big after all.
Another of my all-time favorite stories shows up in the book of Revelation. It’s about a full-of-fire woman who is strong, powerful, regal, royal, and beautiful. There’s also a dragon. She wins.
Of course she does. Even in the Bible. It’s a given. (Maybe I’ll tell you that story in the days ahead…)
Women are amazing, dauntless, victorious. Everybody knows it. Even the dragons.
Buy the book. It’s only $6.95 and should be a staple in every woman’s personal library…whether we have daughters or not.
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{ 25 comments… read them below or add one }
What a wonderful metaphor – thanks for sharing. Fears are indeed just a gentle nudge and unconscious murmur to tell us that we need to pay attention to something.
Thanks, Tom. It’s good to be reminded that the nudge is gentle. It often feels like being shoved off a cliff. ‘Appreciate you.
I just forwarded this to my 15 yr old daughter, and yes, her name is Elizabeth. She is still at that wonderful point in life where she feels invincible even when and perhaps because she is able to acknowledge her fears. My greatest desire is for that to remain within her as her core, even when doubt, pain and fear creep in or fire-blast the castle.
I’m so with you! I handed the book to both of my daughters last night and asked them if they remembered it; asked them to re-read it. Much different reactions from them both, but my eldest said, “The reason you like that book so much, Mom, is because it’s your story!” Mmmm. And, like you, I want it to be theirs. Thanks, Julianne.
love this. love your writing, your artistry. thank you. just read that book to my 5-year-old daughter this week. and we both marinated in the story’s beauty and power.
melissa´s last [type] ..question no 36
I began reading it to mine when they were about that age, Melissa. They didn’t understand it much at the time – or at least understood different aspects of it. But re-reading it last night illicited far different responses…in me, as well. It’s a text worth reading and re-reading – remembering who we are!
Thanks for your kind and lovely words.
Smart chick… that daughter of yours. First princess story I have ever liked. You sent me to a thought-ful place… as usual. Thank you
You’re welcome…And, as usual, I’m thankful for you.
It’s funny there are many people who write and there are some who help us connect – this particular post is so so powerful.
My daughters are 15 and 14, I’m hoping that they will read this with an open mind. I see they have a different mindset, and I understand a different journey to my own, and yet, this is so relevant no matter what the fear or imagined ‘need’.
I’m also going to send to a male friend who I think will get as much out of it as I have. Sometimes gender isn’t the issue.
Jackie Walker´s last [type] ..My Alter Ego – The Divorce Coach
Indeed, Jackie: solid point. Sometimes gender isn’t the issue. I’d love your male friend’s perspective. And thank you for these words: “there are many people who write and there are some who help us connect.” I love knowing that is true. Deeply grateful for your words, your presence, your advocacy…
I think you might enjoy reading this, Ronna:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Monomyth#The_Road_of_Trials
And as I just commented to Kelly the other day – The Dragons are essential – otherwise how do you know if you have the courage to claim your treasure?
Ooooh! Love this and…not surprisingly, your perspective, your presence, your voice. Thank you, Lianne.
Thanks for linking to my blog! I used to read this story to Lilly a lot when she was little. At 16, she might need to visit it again. We’ve been working with fear at the Comfort Cafe and boy, are my fears up big time around my new call. I feel unskillful with them today but it does help, so much, to feel less alone. KISSES!
Jennifer Louden´s last [type] ..The 1st Fruit of my Sabbatical – Come Taste!
You’re more than welcome of course. And the thanks is mine to you!!! I’ve written the quote in HUGE letters on a HUGE whiteboard in my kitchen. Need to be reminded of this one! And calling? Absolutely, it’s terrifying! But that’s what helps us know it’s ours, right? I’m cheering you on, woman!!!
My favorite children’s book … given to me for the first time by a mentor at boarding school. I’ve given it to both of my goddaughters and read it all the time to my own daughter. I adore it. And that quote by Rilke brings shivers to my spine – YES, YES, YES. Thank you.
So fun for me to hear from so many who have been familiar with this book for so many years. An unsung classic. An unsung princess. Perhaps that’s why we resonate with her so deeply. We know our own un-sung-ness, as well as our dragon-defeating capacity. When we face it: shivers. As always, Lindsey, love having you here. Thank you.
Slaying dragons seems easy if you feel like the princess.
Lately, I’ve not felt quite so strong and able to stand up to the dragons…or the bulls running through my mind. (You can read about that one at: http://corallevang.wordpress.com/2010/09/10/fearing-the-bulls-of-pamplona/)
Thanks for the hopefulness of the message this story brings.
For some reason, your comment was stuck in my Spam folder. Now found, published…and grateful.
Unknown and unsung to me… but it’s on its way for my 11 and 7 year old daughters. Thanks for sharing. And I second Lindsey’s thoughts on the Rilke quote – and am trusting in its truth.
Renae C´s last [type] ..Letting Go
Ronna,
I could kiss you for this post. *SMACK* This:
“Perhaps everything that frightens us is, in its deepest essence, something helpless that wants our love.” in particular speaks to me. It seems to be the theme for my last few weeks… monsters may be scary, but they don’t need to be fought off so much as seen and embraced.
I’m learning.
Yours,
Megan
I’m learning too, Megan. And thanks for the *SMACK*! Needin’ the love today so TOTALLY accepted! And MWAH right back!!!
I was just thinking the other day about writing a post about this book!
I love this book! I read it to my boys for years, and I think it paid off, because both of them are attracted to independent amazing girls.
Such a good book. Such a good post.
Bridget´s last [type] ..It’s not about the stuff
Thanks, Bridget. It IS a fabulous book and I LOVE that you read it to your sons! We need more men like yours, for sure! And we need more princesses like her! Paper bags, and dragon defying all around!
Damn, but your words are speaking so clearly to the space I am in right now. So very grateful to have found you.
Jeanette´s last [type] ..By- spoken terri fischer
Mmmm, I’m grateful, as well Jeanette. Thank you.