I was profoundly disappointed yesterday – by people, institutions, circumstances, life. I still feel it today and am wandering – both literally and emotionally – not quite knowing how to land, how to settle, how to make sense of where I now find myself.
Disappointment is painful. It almost feels inflicted vs. something that just happens. At least that’s my experience this time around. And its ache isn’t something I can simply assimilate or accept mentally. It hurts deep in my bones, in my soul, in my heart…even in my body. I hurt. I’ve been hurt.
Martin Luther King, Jr. said, We must accept finite disappointment, but never lose infinite hope. I get that – and it feels true – eventually. But not today. Today the disappointment feels infinite. I know better and I’m trying to let myself just feel what I do vs. tell myself I’m being foolish, that I should have known better, that I’m crazy for caring, or convince myself to shut down the part of me that hurts.
In the midst, I’m trying to find comfort in what comes next; in the eventuality of when the disappointment fades – or at least when I’m experiencing have less palpable symptoms. And, as per usual, I go to the voices of others…
One’s best success comes after the greatest disappointments.
Henry Ward Beecher
Disappointment is the nurse of wisdom.
Bayle Roche
These slight disappointments are sent to prepare
For what may hereafter befall;
For seasons of real disappointment and care,
Which commonly happen to all.
Jane Taylor
Disappointment to a noble soul is what cold water is to burning metal; it strengthens, tempers, intensifies, but never destroys it.
Eliza Tabor
This morning I woke up,
Bursting with confidence,
Overflowing with excitement,
I was convinced I’d done it,
Convinced I had succeeded
When I found out the news,
I was crushed.
Feeling empty and broken,
But somehow I managed,
To pull myself together,
Determined not to cry
Determined to be fine
Disappointment can be bitter
You feel as if you’ve lost your worth
But without disappointment,
We have nowhere left to go
Hope can be amazing,
You feel ready to face a better future
Because without hope,
We are forever lost
This morning when I woke up,
Grasping for perfection,
Tonight I fall asleep –
Perfection eluding me,
But hope residing in my heart.
