TELLING THE TRUTH
Honest, direct confrontation is a true expression of compassion…The illusion of power must be unmasked, idolatry must be undone, oppression and exploitation must be fought, and all who participate in these evils must be confronted. This is compassion.
(Donald P. McNeill, Compassion: A Reflection on the Christian Life
This is one of my favorite quotes. Powerful. Unexpected. Paradoxical. Compelling.
I am almost daily aware of and impacted by the realities of power, idolatry, oppression and exploitation. This is not to say that I do not, at times, unwittingly participate in their perpetuation myself; but a broader global/cultural lens acknowledges these evils as uniquely, painfully familiar – to women, the marginalized, the poor, our environment.
Unfortunately, more times than not, when I’m confronted by such darkness, compassion (at least as I’ve understood it previously) has not been my intuitive, spontaneous response.
What if it were, but as defined anew by McNeill?
Confrontation is compassion.
It’s a fine line: seeing the decision to confront – particularly in the oft’ intimidating realms of power and exploitation – as coming from a place of compassion versus contempt. It’s a tough road: learning to discern and then, in fact, offer compassion by speaking the truth (out loud!) instead of nursing anger and resentment and/or just remaining silent?
Confrontation=Compassion.
Compassion=Confrontation.
Confrontation≠Contempt.
I have known this tension. In marriage. As a mother. In leadership. In organized religion. In a world that knows and promotes far too much power, idolatry, oppression, and exploitation. Evil.
It’s easy to feel contempt.
A fine line.
And a line to which we should aspire to hold: confrontation as compassion. Hopeful movement toward a world that desires and deserves empowerment, generosity, equality, justice, and truth-telling. Holy.
Perhaps another post, but I wonder if perhaps we need to confront our proclivity internally toward self-contempt vs. compassion. Confrontation as compassion within, with, on behalf of our own hearts. Hmmm. Something there, it seems.
Artist attribution: Skies of Compassion by Dina Herrmann.
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{ 17 comments… read them below or add one }
Now that’s definitely a different perspective. Confrontation as compassion. It certainly sheds a different light on my current writing project (and a few other situations). I procrastinated writing the truth because I feared hurting the main characters involved in the story. Yet maybe showing others (and them) my perspective of exactly what happened is the most compassionate thing I can do for everyone involved. Uncomfortable? Uh…yeah. Understatement. Painful? Possibly so. Healing? Definitely. Transforming? Trusting that answer is yes. Closure? Finally.
It is proving to be a bit of a challenge to replace the voice of contempt in my writing with one of compassion, yet I’m working on it.
And compassion for self vs. contempt for self? Great thoughts to ponder.
It’s a tough twist on the words, I think. To say that compassion = confrontation is not the same as confrontation = compassion. There’s something in the order of the words, in the spirit with which the author speaks them – that calls me to something far more profound, more deep, and definitely more difficult. I know you’re on that path, Angie.
oops pushed the wrong reply button… That was for you Angie…
Honesty is compassion. When the truth is spoken there is no where else to go, it cant be changed, there is no second guessing,the other person has the real picture. Compassion is not leaving out parts of the truth in order to spare someones feelings because when you do this in reality all you are doing is protecting yourself.
Compassion is the ability to be open and honest inspite of the concequences that may affect you, whether it be good or bad.. Hey thats my view anyway.. Hope it helps with your procrastination in some way
Good stuff, Carcy. Thank you.
I have long thought that confrontation equals compassion. Mostly because, the only way I’m going to confront someone or something is if I care. Of course, this changes depending on context at times. (I would say that I have contempt for those who perpetuate sex trafficking, for example. But I am moved by my immense compassion for the women stuck in those horrible conditions.)
Confrontation is a loaded word for most people. But I once heard someone say they loved someone because that person was ‘always supportive’, which also means that person never helped the other person grow into who they were meant to be or wanted to be (or helped them grow at all). I consider my closest friends to be those who are truly honest with me, who know the path I’ve chosen, and who help confront me when I get off-track when needed.
Of course, they choose their timing well and they tell the truth in love. But still, it’s so easy for us to let things slide from day to day or to not see something when we’re in the middle of it, and they’re the people who love me enough to say, “Hey….getting a little off course here. We’ll love you anyway, but just thought you should be aware.” I’m grateful for that.
Great post, as always! And I love that quote! Thanks for that!
Love,
deb
I’m trackin’ with you, Deb. And I think the quote’s author would go so far as to say that even our confrontation of sex traffickers is not so much compelled by compassion as a compassionate act in and of itself because it works toward justice, healing, wholeness, etc. It’s a whole mind shift for us, isn’t it? To understand our fight for truth, our standing our ground, our calling others to the same as deep, deep compassion vs. having contempt for ourselves because we feel confrontational. I have to keep turning the words again and again in my mind…and will continue to do so. Thanks for being here.
This is an outlook that I love. Confrontation needs to get a good name as it is not always bad. On top of that, not confronting when one should is definitely contemptible.
.-= Nicki´s last blog ..Happiness =-.
All true…and so hard, isn’t it? When I begin to add gendered, enculturated realities into the mix? Just messy! And so, so important. Thanks, Nicki.
It is a fine line
.-= Tracy Todd´s last blog ..The Curse =-.
Oh so true, Tracy. Indeed.
I would go so far to say that in some situations silence is evil. My personal experience with compassionate confrontation saved my life. She said, “I cannot wait until the alcohol stops working for you.”
So powerful, Rebecca, and yes: sometimes silence is evil. I totally agree!
Good daffodils! Where do I begin with this? It’s great to hear someone raise this issue, Ronna. In my mind, there is a perceived dichotomy between the act of compassion and the act of confrontation. Like Angie, I’m in a little fiddle due to writing about truths. So far, I’ve been extremely fair and compassionate. But I already fear the fallout. Not every one likes the truth (much less themselves) to be confronted – compassionately or not. Primarily, it’s been my observation that we often need to take ourselves out of the victim role before we can engage in compassionate confrontation. You touch on an interesting point at the end there too. And yes, it’s definitely worthy of further exploration. I often wonder about the internal dialogue factor. I think self-contempt (sometimes cloaked in other garb) can be poison in the water of compassion. If we add a little for-your-own-good confrontation to that water, it’s definitely not for human consumption. Yet how often do we see this played out among our loved ones, in politics, in the church and in ourselves?
Thought-provoking reading, darling. Thank you! :^)
You’re more than welcome, of course. And…a complex topic with all kinds of twists and turns that take place in a myriad of places, not the least of which is within our own stories, our own souls. Yes – more thought-worthy. Thanks for being here, Meg!
I’m not good at confrontation – I do all I can to avoid it. LOL
That said, I am an absolute pro at contempt of self.
hmmmm. Perhaps there is an inverse relationship here.
Thanks so much for providing another way to look at this. As always, gratitude.
Hugs and butterflies,
~T~
.-= PicsieChick´s last blog ..Each moment….breathless =-.
You might be right about this: the inverse relationship. For example, the more self-contempt, the less able we are to confront. And vice-versa: the less able we are to confront, the more self-contempt. So…in the mix…compassion needed!!! As always, so grateful you’re here.