“…Try to love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language. Don’t search for answers, which could not be given to you now, because you would not be able to live them. And the point is to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps then, someday far in the future, you will gradually, without even noticing it, live your way into the answer.”

(Rainier Maria Rilke)

I had dinner with my dad the other night. Over the course of two hours we meandered through many topics but consistently came back to the one we know the best and soak in the longest: deep questions with no answers; usually around faith, religion, meaning, doubt, God…Tiny, inconsequential topics, huh?

He has lived with massive questions most of his life. And though they have plagued him, they have also compelled his daughter to ask hard ones. A reality for which I’m deeply grateful and, admittedly, by which I’m sometimes deeply troubled. The problem for both of us is that we keep searching for answers.

As of at least this week’s dinner conversation, on this we agree: we may not find them.

Loving the questions, based on Rilke’s perspective, is what I aspire to. It seems the only “answer” that makes sense. Still, like most things that matter, it’s far easier said than done.

My whole mental construct is one of parsing, dissecting, understanding, comprehending, and mastering. It’s not one of embracing mystery. And this is made even more complex because of the social constructs within which I’ve grown up: modernism, consumerism, organized religionism. (I know that last one isn’t a word, but it had to be used. Really.)

So, how to love the questions and live my way into the answers? As I’ve pondered this (while parsing, dissecting, and seeking to understand, comprehend, and master) I’ve wondered about conversation. (I know, I know! This should have come to me instantaneously, given what I’ve named my business/website, and what I pursue endlessly through any and every form possible.)

What if I had a conversation with myself? What if I let the questions float, meander, and dance – almost as if between two lovers. A dialogue characterized by curiosity and kindness between me and the RENEGADE me. It might sound something like this:

Me: Is there a God?
RENEGADE Me: Good question.
Me: I know, that’s why I’m asking it!
RENEGADE Me: That’s not really why you’re asking, is it? What do you wonder or want in the question itself?
Me: Mmmm. Solid point. I want to know I’m not alone, that I matter, that I’m created, cherished, loved, and in the mix of a larger plan, a larger story, a cosmic purpose.
RENEGADE Me: Are you alone?
Me: No.
RENEGADE Me: Do you matter?
Me: Yes.
RENEGADE Me: Do you feel created, cherished, and loved – not just by others, though that is hugely significant, but in the larger scheme of things…even by the Universe itself?
Me: Sometimes more than others, but yes.
RENEGADE Me: And are there moments in which you can see the larger plan, story, or cosmic purpose? Moments when you’re writing or talking to someone or in love or just laughing and you feel deeply, intimately connected to something bigger, more powerful; something that takes you in and holds you…even if for only a moment?
Me: Yes.
RENEGADE Me: Mmmm.
Me: So? Are you saying there is a God?
RENEGADE Me: Are you?
Me: Well, I’m not sure. But more than not, I think so. It feels like there’s still more to think about.
RENEGADE Me: Thinking’s good. So is just living. We can keep talking, you know. There’s time.
Me: Ahhh, yes: time. I guess I don’t need to figure it all out this moment. Even this conversation feels hopeful…Thanks.
RENEGADE Me: You’re welcome. Anytime.

The question matters, for sure. But in conversation, its pressure lessens, even if only slightly, when I realize that I’m already living my answer, at least in part.

Conversation. Between questions and answers. Between faith and doubt. Between strength and vulnerability. Between hope and despair. Between my many selves. That’s where life takes place. That’s where the questions can be loved. That’s where the answers just might be found…and lived.

I want to love the questions. And, not surprisingly, I want even more conversation.

You?

The most important thing is never to stop questioning. Curiosity has its own reason for existing. One cannot but help to be in awe when (s)he contemplates the mysteries of eternity, of life, of the marvelous structure of reality. It is enough if one tries merely to comprehend a little of this mystery everyday. Never lose a holy curiosity.

(Albert Einstein)

One of my many questions has persistently been how to invite others into conversation. Not just chatting. Rather, conversation that really matters, that compels change, that welcomes truth. Conversation with me, yes; but even more, with themselves and their own questions.

I’ve been thinking about this a lot; asking myself a LOT of questions. Not finding a ton of answers, but recognizing that the compelling call continues to resound in my heart. Perhaps living into the answers means that I move my feet; that I act on what I believe.  So, here it is:

Conversation between Renegades

We all have questions; big, huge ones that hover and sometimes overwhelm. Others that just sort of nag at us. Sometimes we just need to talk those through. We need a safe space in which we can articulate our thoughts and get the perspective of another. We need to name our truths out loud, being able to count on complete understanding and no consequences other than what it feels like to be truly heard (which, by the way, is AMAZING!)

Questions like these:

• Why do I feel like my faith is shallow and somehow meaningless?
• How do I make sense of feminism in a culture that still sees it as defiant and bitchy?
• Can I be a strong woman and still believe in God?
• How do I understand and work through the tension I feel in my marriage? Can I? Will I?
• Do I believe in God? (Sound familiar?)
• Can I trust the voice I hear inside that is telling me to ___________________ ?
• Is it possible for me to know rest when my mind is consumed with fear?
• Are there other women who ask these questions? And is it OK that I’m not yet ready to venture into some public space to have that dialogue?
• Is there someplace set-apart, confidential, and safe in which I could begin to test those waters?

In the spirit of this post, I am not offering answers, but I am offering the set-apart, confidential, and safe place to ask the questions and maybe, just maybe, shed some light on how to live in the mix of them all. I am offering good conversation, a listening ear, perspective, discernment, and direction on your behalf.

I am offering truth-filled conversation, one Renegade to another.

Interested? Compelled?

Ask the hard questions. State them out loud. Tell the truth. Once you do, everything changes. And life is lived.

Sometimes we just need to start. Let’s have the conversation. You and me.

Conversation between Renegades

60 minutes of wide open, no-holds barred questions, truth-telling, riffing, and renegading. No judgment. No limits. No end to the possibility of what happens when good conversation occurs. (In my experience, it changes everything.)

Introductory price: $50.00

Click here to schedule Conversation between Renegades. Or email me for more information (ronna@ronnadetrick.com).

You and me. ‘Can’t wait.

Many of you know that I drink champagne on Friday’s. My friend and oh-so-amazing Fempreneur Coach, Cassandra Rae has had this tradition for a while now and totally has me hooked. She reminds me to sit back, to rest, and to say to myself, “It is enough. I have done enough. I am enough.”

That’s what I do. And in the midst, I am aware of just how much I can celebrate.

So, here’s what I’m celebrating as I sip champagne today:

• Amazing conversations with Lianne Raymond, Danielle LaPorte, Dyana Valentine, Jen Louden, and Molly Gordon.
• Dinner (yet tonight) with Kelly Diels and Amanda Farough.
• Four new members in A Conversational Space.
• Deep gratitude (and other’s affirmation) for A Conversational Space.
• Lovely and humbling comments on this week’s blog posts.
• Much celebration at the launch of Danielle’s Firestarter Sessions (and affiliate sales for me!)
• The opportunity to guest-post with Sophie Lumen at Feed the Beauty.
• New ideas generated for ongoing revenue opportunities and contexts for more great conversation.
• Mother’s Day and MUCH gratitude for Emma and Abby, my own mother, and so many amazing women in my life.
• One day where I saw zero emails in my Inbox.
• A one-year reunion with my former “incubator” of women entrepreneurs who were with me when all of this began.
• Three days of teaching on an Army installation; working with incredible young soldiers who are transitioning out of the military.
• Much laughter and shared heart with one of my dearest friends, Andrea, and her absolutely adorable 4-year-old daughter, Emma.
• Opportunity to catch up with another friend, Mary, who I rarely see these days.
• A lovely and candid conversation with members of A Conversational Space.
• Another newsletter created and sent – to more subscribers than the week before.
• Turning the last page on The Dance of the Dissident Daughter.
• Getting back to Women Who Run with the Wolves by Clarissa Pinkola Estes.
• Two super-insightful dreams.
• A venti Americano at Starbucks (thrilled I held myself to only one).
• The increasing and irrefutable evidence that I am living the life I love (and believing that the money will follow).

Cheers!

What do you have to celebrate today?

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Tomorrow: TELLING THE TRUTH
Monday: NEWSLETTER – A Weekly Hit of Faith, Feminism, and Telling the Truth (Subscribe)
Tuesday: FAITH
Thursday: FEMINISM

The invitation remains open. Join A Conversational Space. Strengthen your voice. Live out loud. Be passionate. Join the dialogue.

Some fabulous shots from my Mother’s Day – with my two beautiful daughters and my mom.

It was a good day; deeply aware of what a gift Emma and Abby are to me. They made me smile, cry (in a good way), and just sit back in awe at their brilliance, their beauty, the brains. And to share that with my mom? All good!

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Today I’m featured in the second of a two-part post at Feed the Beauty. I’m talking about aging – and, as you might guess, not shy about it at all!

Aging? Bring it on! Part Two.

In case you missed it, Aging? Bring it on! Part One.

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In the realm of promotion, I’m making a pitch (again) for A Conversational Space. Under the radar for the first couple weeks, it’s gone full tilt these past days. I’ve been both stunned and humbled by the response, the women themselves, and the conversation.

Ahhhh, the conversation. We’re talkin’ bout Faith, Feminism, Telling the Truth…and a ton of other stuff!

You can click here to read TONS more about it, but by way of introduction, it’s a subscription-based site for women that creates a safe, shared space for good conversation about things that matter.

A Conversational Space.

Strengthen your voice. Live out loud. Be passionate.

• I begin each month with a video that sets the stage and announces the theme.
• I provide an MP3 of a conversation between me and some other amazing woman. (This month: Karen Maezen Miller. Upcoming: Danielle LaPorte, Patti Digh, Dani Shapiro, Susan Piver, Jen Louden, Katrina Kenison and others.)
• Twice a month there are wide-open, call-in conversations (the next of which is tomorrow night!!!) where we talk about any and everything.
• And then there are all kinds of resources, emails, conversation starters, and good, good stuff.
• And did I mention lots of conversation?!?

When I say I really want you to join, that is an understatement. I REALLY really REALLY want you to join. Really. ‘Hope you will. Read more. Email me (ronna@ronnadetrick.com) if you want to talk about it. But definitely consider it; and then, join!!! Really.

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Tomorrow: FAITH
Thursday: FEMINISM
Saturday: TELLING THE TRUTH

I found out this morning, just minutes ago, that yesterday was the 2-year anniversary of a friend’s business. He’s made it for two years! What began as a wish and a prayer has survived the worst economic conditions we’ve known for a very long time. What had not been done before has become a known-entity in his community. What was dreamed has become reality. Hard work has merited results. And he just barely mentioned the date in passing! ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?

If it was me, I would have been screaming from my rooftop that I’d made it two years. I would have emailed everyone I know. I would have Twitter messages going out to all my followers. I would have updated my Facebook page with the news. I probably would have gone shopping and bought a new and amazing dress to wear proudly and mark this momentous occasion. In other words, I wouldn’t have been quiet.

He is quiet. And that’s impressive to me.

Quiet success. The ability to do well and keep that information behind-the-scenes. It’s like giving an anonymous gift. There are those of us who definitely want the celebration (and yes, the notoriety). There are others who can be incredibly generous and never be seen or known. They have an inner solidness that I envy just a bit; a groundedness that keeps them intact and whole without the need for others’ accolades, opinions, or praise. That’s impressive to me.

He is quiet. He is successful. And this accomplishment is worth celebrating. So, in direct contrast to his response, I will shout! CONGRATULATIONS! YAHOO! YIPPEE! WOOHOO! I’m proud of you…and humbled by you.

Here’s to two more years (and more) of success…quiet or not.

Want to congratulate him with me? Go to www.armadilloconsignment.com, check out his business, give him more business, and say CONGRATULATIONS as loud as you possibly can!

Quiet success. It’s a beautiful, powerful, compelling thing. It’s a reflection not only of the business, but of the one who creates, envisions, and labors on its behalf. Indeed.

Try not to become a man of success, but rather try to become a man of value. (Albert Einstein) You are, my friend, you are.

I spent Friday and Saturday with Karen, one of my dearest friends. We drove to a cabin, about 2+ hours out of Seattle, and spent the next 24 hours talking (with about 8 hours of sleep in the middle). These days, as our visits have gotten less frequent and our conversation more intense, we meta-process; we talk about what we appreciate in and about the other, how the years have changed us and our conversations, how amazing it is that we have weathered so much together.

Then this morning, trying to catch up on email, Facebook, Twitter, and the like, I came across a blog post by Seth Godin called Fidelity vs. Convenience. The post was excellent, but what struck me was the word “fidelity.” It rings true. It’s what Karen has offered me – and invited me to – again and again. She is a fidelity friend.

The online dictionary defines fidelity as faithfulness to obligations, duties, or observances; a strict adherence to vows or promises. But Godin expands our understanding by bumping it up against the word “convenience.” Here’s a quote:

The simplest example is movies. You pay to go to a theatre when you want the fidelity of the big screen and the crowd and the speakers. You stay home when you want the convenience of Netflix and the pause button. Vinyl records and live concerts offer fidelity, MP3 on your iPod is convenient.

Karen offers fidelity. She is the theater, the vinyl record and the live concert. She embodies quality, beauty, honesty, strength, commitment, faith, hope, and love. She matters deeply in my life. And she consistently invites me to fidelity as well – in relationship with her, certainly, but far beyond. In relationships with friends and others, my daughters, my family, my time, my work, my money, my commitments, and God.

And here’s the thing about Karen: she does all of this is a way that completely and profoundly defines grace for me.

If she were reading this, she would tear up. She would call me and begin to tell me how much I have meant to her. And she would tell me about my fidelity. We offer it to one another. It’s a humbling and amazing thing: friendship and fidelity.

I am grateful for you, Karen. My fidelity friend.

Be slow to fall into friendship, but when thou art in, continue firm and constant. (Socrates)

I sat in a lovely home tonight, surrounded by lovely women. In total, there were nine of us, ranging in age from mid-20s to 70. Amazing diversity in lifestyle, belief systems, and certainly experience, we came together to think and talk about betrayal among women in general and specifically issues of envy in the mother-daughter relationship. Paradoxically, beautifully, the experience of our dialogue and relationship was counter to any form of betrayal. Even more, it was an undoing – offering redemption for that which we’ve all known, experienced, and even perpetuated.

Our conversation pivoted on two axes: One, an article entitled Betrayals Among Women: Barriers to a Common Language, written by the two women who opened their home to us – Karen Fite and Nikola Trumbo. And two, the dissertation work of Dr. Mara Applebaum, a young woman who is in the process of finalizing important work on issues of envy between mothers and daughters – seen through the lenses of mythological study and and deep psychology. Heady, amazing stuff!

I could say much about what it feels like to be in the midst of these kind of conversations, to be surrounded by brilliant, intelligent, witty, compassionate women. But, given that it’s after midnight, I will let a few of their voices speak for themselves. In the morning, or in the days ahead, when I am more cogent and have had more time to process, I will speak for myself – complimented and affirmed by my time with them. Hardly betrayed; rather, the opposite.

Culture is embedded in history, and, since men write history from which women are erased, women have no base in history with which to create a culture. Therefore, the culture women do have is fragmentary.

What must a daughter be taught about her worth, her abilities, her destiny? Who must be her teacher? And where can she look for connections which support here worth, her own individual abilities, and which suggest a choice of destinies?

Having virtually no opportunity to practice taking our lives into our own hands and nowhere to look for models who have, we are our own trailbreakers; and the pressures against opening new paths are everywhere we look – both within ourselves and outside ourselves. When we do manage to carve out the semblance of the new way it closes around us like an equatorial jungle because we don’t have the resources of connections to sustain our efforts.

Women are taught to worry about “too-ness” — too smart, too strong, too assertive, too loud, too fat, too old, too ugly. No one talks about the sense of personal loss a woman experiences when she attempts to be other than she is and the sense of self-betrayal she feels when she learns to act, and ultimately to be less than she is, less than she can be. The limits to what men allow women to be in strength, smartness, and assertion are always reached before the individual woman has reached her own personal limits. She never gets the chance to test herself out to the full, and so always at some level she has betrayed her own potential. Thus to assert strength is to encounter self-doubt, and to fail to assert strength is to encounter self-betrayal.

Hard truths – spoken and written by kind, generous, and bold women. They have been betrayed. I have been betrayed. And all of us have betrayed each other as well as ourselves. Perhaps the undoing of betrayal begins (and continues) when we are open to conversation, to difference, to perspective, to one another. If tonight is any indication, I would say, “Indeed,” and “I want more!”

Thanks Hillary, Mara, Karen, Nikola, Gwen, Jen, Susan, and Stephanie. Beautiful, powerful, and undoing betrayal – past, present, and future – with your very being.

I feel like I’ve been wrenched from a good friend for far too long: a week without blogging! That tells me a number or things:

1) I’m busy!
2) I need to consider how/where I’m spending my time and re-calibrate
3) I need to inventory the past days’ agenda items and determine what brought me life and what just drained the life out of me.
4) I need to not let the urgent keep me from the desired.

Even without doing items 2-4 above, I know the week has been good. Lots of work. Lots of amazing conversations. Lots of laughter. Lots of fun. And…I want more! More time to write. More time to blog. More time to work on a myriad of “virtual” platforms. More time for projects. More time with friends. More amazing conversations. More laughter. More fun. And yes, even more work.

Prioritization matters. Efficiency matters. Time-usage matters. Sleep matters!!! But so does living life fully, filling nearly every moment with activity that is meaningful and good, and stepping back long enough on a Saturday morning to realize that “life as busy” isn’t a bad thing (at least today). Indeed, I want more. That feels like a good place to be.

If you want even more, then read this post by Danielle LaPorte: The ‘as in the beginning’ Buddha Rule. Brilliant! And an affirmation of all I’m feeling this day.

Here’s a case study in message content and how it influences viral marketing. Yesterday I posted on my blog about writing and entitled it No Excuses. I asked people (via the blog, Twitter, and Facebook) to comment/respond as to their experiences surrounding the difficulty of writing, the plethora of excuses we can come up with, and the clarion call to “Just do it!” Two people responded.

Later, I put up a new Facebook status that said, “I admit it: I love watching So You Think You Can Dance.” Though hardly legion, the number of responses was markedly more significant.

In neither of these instances am I generating the kind of activity that I heard about this morning on radio news: comedian Dave Chapelle, decided to do an impromptu show at 1:00 a.m. in Portland and via Twitter and Facebook alone, with NO external marketing or promotion, he had over 4000 people show up the same night. Incredible! I’ve heard numerous stories like this: viral marketing gone wild!

So, here’s what I’m thinking about today: viral marketing is alive and well, but it only works if you’re talking about/offering something to which people will respond. So You Think You Can Dance is clearly more interesting (at least in the short term) than the excuses we make to not write. (Frankly, I could argue either way on this one. I’m all about good writing, but that show is fantastic.)

How does one clarify their own message? And once known, how will it be spread? And even if you have a great message, but no one hears it, does it matter? Maybe the best question is, “How do I create a message that matters, that is definitely mine and that will be heard?” Ah…if only I had the answer.

I hope to find it, at least in part, in just two days when I attend a Firestarter Session in Portland with Danielle LaPorte. (I CAN HARDLY WAIT!!!) And I keep getting glimpses of it in conversation with friends, in writing, in Twitter followers, in activity on my blog and web sites, and yes…on Facebook status updates.

Perhaps I could create a viral epidemic by considering the intertextuality between theology, feminism, and So You Think You Can Dance…

Hmmm. I might be on to something there!

If you’d like to be a part of the viral marketing of me (no pressure, really…really. No, don’t feel at all obligated, really.) feel free to send out numerous, multitudinous links to my website: www.RenegadeConversations.com, my blogsite: Truth-Telling, and ask people to follow me on Twitter (@renegaderonna) or Facebook! I’d love to be a viral force to be reckoned with!!! Truth-be-told, iIf I do figure out how to talk about theology, feminism and a reality TV show all in the same conversation, you won’t want to miss out…

I received a tweet on Twitter this morning that sent me to the following link and text:

Twitter: A Novel Way to Publish a Novel

Slow and steady wins the race, especially if you’re trying to write a 480,000-character novel 130 characters at a time.

Matt Stewart released The French Revolution Tuesday. But absent commitment from any publishers, he and his agent released it via Twitter, TechCrunch reported.
Stewart has help for the approximately 3,700 tweets it will take to “publish” the novel: A programmer helped him to automate the process, according to TechCrunch.

For those who don’t have the patience to wait for 3,700 tweets (Stewart had reached around 80 at the time of this posting), The French Revolution is also available free-of-charge on Scribd or for $1.99 on Amazon’s Kindle.

This is a unique approach to publishing, but it’s not the only one of its kind. I’m part of a writing project called The Wikiklesia Project – an “ecclesial publishing experiment” that is gathering a number of writers (including me!!!) to generatively create a collaborative “book” that will re-examine and re-imagine the roles of women of faith. Cynthia La Grou, the one who is birthing this concept, and I talked on the phone for nearly an hour today – brainstorming, dreaming, acknowledging shared passions, and thinking together about how to create a movement.

I got off the phone and, combined with the Twitter “novel” idea, realized that I have no excuses to not write, to not publish, to not step up/out and say what I want to say. So why is it so damn hard?

I think it goes back to what I wrote about a few days ago: it’s easier to be disappointed than to dream; easier to expect that things won’t go the way I want than to really hope on my own behalf. Writing is no different. It’s easier to not write than to think that my labor will be un-read, un-appreciated, un-acknowledged. I admit it: that’s about my ego, not my writing. I’ve got to get over that. I do remain passionate about very particular things that my voice can articulate in unique, powerful ways. I do know how to write. I do WANT to write. And perhaps most of all, I do have things to say – whether out loud and/or via text, on paper, electronically, virtually, or even through Twitter. No excuses…

If someone can publish a novel 140 characters at a time, I can certainly articulate and offer what resides within me – no matter the medium. I must. No excuses.

Call me crazy, but I’m guessing this might apply to some of you, as well…’Would love to hear your thoughts. Comments welcome here or on Facebook…

I do not like to write – I like to have written. (Gloria Steinem)

There’s nothing to writing. All you do is sit down at a typewriter and open a vein. (Walter Wellesley “Red” Smith)

And by the way, everything in life is writable about if you have the outgoing guts to do it, and the imagination to improvise. The worst enemy to creativity is self-doubt. (Sylvia Plath)

In a mood of faith and hope my work goes on. A ream of fresh paper lies on my desk waiting for the next book. I am a writer and I take up my pen to write. (Pearl S. Buck)

Related Posts:
Fear or Desire
Inevitable Dreams
Writing Like Ayn Rand
The hard work of dreaming

I cannot begin to tell you (nor do I want to admit) how many hours I’ve spent the past two days trying to change my website. I want a different look and feel and so have been working with help desks from both my hosting site and the new one. At one point I even had it switched, but realized I was going to have to re-populate all the pages, reformat all the text, and basically start from scratch.