“Once there was, and once there was not…” This paradoxical phrase is meant to alert the soul of the listener that this story takes place in the world between worlds where nothing is as it seems.

(Clarissa Pinkola Estes, Women Who Run with the Wolves)

Morpheus: I imagine that right now, you’re feeling a bit like Alice. Hmm? Tumbling down the rabbit hole?
Neo: You could say that.
Morpheus: I see it in your eyes. You have the look of a man who accepts what he sees because he is expecting to wake up. Ironically, that’s not far from the truth. Do you believe in fate, Neo?
Neo: No.
Morpheus: Why not?
Neo: Because I don’t like the idea that I’m not in control of my life.
Morpheus: I know exactly what you mean. Let me tell you why you’re here. You’re here because you know something. What you know you can’t explain, but you feel it. You’ve felt it your entire life, that there’s something wrong with the world. You don’t know what it is, but it’s there, like a splinter in your mind, driving you mad. It is this feeling that has brought you to me. Do you know what I’m talking about?

Morpheus: This is your last chance. After this, there is no turning back. You take the blue pill – the story ends, you wake up in your bed and believe whatever you want to believe. You take the red pill – you stay in Wonderland and I show you how deep the rabbit-hole goes.

The Matrix is one of my all-time favorite movies. I love the action. I love the adventure. And I love that there is this permeable veil between two worlds. It feels familiar to me.

And not.

I have such a tendency to evaluate my life through objective data, through raw facts, through my five senses. What if, instead, I relied upon the subjective, mystery, and a sixth sense? What if I allowed for another entire story to be playing out around, in, and through me all the time? And what if I was able to, at least from time to time, experience myself in that tale – in a world between worlds? What if I could pierce the veil?

Thousands of years ago people did not separate the physical from the spiritual, the soul from the mind, the body from the spirit. All was as one. The veil was nonexistent. It was just as “normal” to experience a burning bush or miraculous healing as it was a day at work or the meal one had just eaten. Conscious reasoning worked differently then. There was an allowance for and acceptance of the unknown. There was no demand for everything to make sense. In fact, everything did make sense because the same questions were not being asked.

Something in me misses this. It’s as though there is an aspect of my sub-conscious or pre-me memory that spills into my consciousness. I somehow remembers and recognize this world between worlds.

I want to go there more often.

What miracle might I embrace that I now either totally miss or intentionally disregard? What mystery might I hold and embrace that I now feel the need to explain away or completely categorize in my brain? What of God? What of prayer? What of grace? What of faith?

A world between worlds…

…where nothing is as it seems.

• Fear about money is opportunity to know providence and beneficence beyond explanation.
• Stuck-ness in writing is  a mystery that beckons yet un-thought thoughts to dance across my screen.
• Frustration in parenting is the miracle of imperfect love and the embodiment of the holy.
• Questions in relationship are gifts of hearing the other’s truest emotions.
  
• Doubt about God is the vast and glorious space in which God most profoundly exists.
• Anxiety over the future is the gift of grace and faith.
• Depression and sadness are deep wells of passion and one’s heart expressed.

Piercing the veil means that I live with the unknown, the unresolved, the unexplainable – without demand. It means that I walk through my days with hands, mind, and heart wide open. It means that I expect the miraculous and amazing to occur. It means that the sacred is around me all of the time. It means my story, my reality, my very existence is far larger, more significant, and interconnected than I had ever dreamed. It means I can risk, explore, wonder, dream, and hope in wild and nearly-crazy ways. It means that I can pray – and know that I am heard. It means that I anticipate encounter with God. And it means that I don’t have to make sense of any of this. Or, that everything that happens does make sense – but I don’t have to explain it.

The world between worlds. It’s so close.

I want to pierce the veil. I want to take the red pill (or at least look absolutely fabulous in the black latex and leather).

The true mystery of the world is the visible, not the invisible.

(Oscar Wilde)

Without mysteries, life would be very dull indeed. What would be left to strive for if everything were known?

(Charles de Lint)

I opened my email this morning knowing better. I need to get going with my day and not get distracted. I was distracted until…

Via Amy Oscar’s blog – Story, Spirit, Seed: “Say Yes!”

Nothing more need be said. Thanks, Sadé.

Girl you are rich even with nothing
And you know tenderness comes from pain
It’s amazing how you love
And love is kind and love can give
And get no gain

It’s down a rugged road you’ve come
Though you had every reason
You didn’t come undone
Somehow you made it to the other side
You didn’t suffer in vain

You forgive those who have trespassed against you
And you know tenderness comes from pain
It’s amazing how you love
And love is kind and love can give
And love needs no gain

You didn’t suffer in vain
You know it’s only love
That gets you through
Only love, it’s only love
It’s only love that gets you through

Have you ever been here? Wondering if things will ever come together, if the once/then reality will ever be realized? Despite my own words to the contrary, I do still spin in the “if only’s.”

But truly, it takes just one small thing to completely change my perspective; to help me recognize the beauty and wealth of my current, present, and everyday life.

That small thing is gratitude.

Today I had the privilege of being interviewed by The Sisters of Sizzle on their internet radio show. We talked about provocative conversation, about faith, about feminism, and about telling the truth. We talked about A Conversational Space and what it means for women to have a safe, vulnerable, amazing place in which to think/ponder/reflect/speak. It was lovely. (You can download the podcast by clicking here…)

I thoroughly enjoyed that 30 minutes, but that wasn’t the best part.

The best part was when I got in my car and fought through nearly two hours of traffic to get home. No, I’m not crazy. I HATE traffic. But from time to time, when I can take some deep breaths and relax even a tiny bit, it affords me time and space to think.

Today’s thoughts? All about gratitude.

Here’s just the beginning of my list:

• Just months ago the opportunity would not have even been there for me to be on this radio program today.
• Just months ago I wouldn’t have been having conversations with women like Susan Piver, Dyana Valentine, Patti Digh, and Dani Shapiro.
• Just months ago I wouldn’t have been able to name Danielle LaPorte, Kelly Diels, Karen Maezen Miller, and so many others “friend.”
• Just months ago I wouldn’t have had the humbling and oh-so-incredible privilege of reading your comments on my blog – recognizing, in faltering and insecure ways, that I am saying something that matters, that I am being heard, that my words have resonance and meaning.
• Just months ago I would not have had the privilege of seeing women join A Conversational Space; merely a dream on my part – a place in which conversations about things that matter could take place and relationships could form (price reduced as of today…how can you resist?).
• Just months ago I would not have had the perspective with which to now actually see the pieces come together for my write-the-damn-book-already reality.
• Just months ago I would not have had the privilege of doing a collaborative series on online communities with Jen Louden and Rachelle Mee-Chapman, enabling some 80 new subscribers to my newsletter as of today…and that many more amazing people with whom to share fabulous conversation.
  
• Just months ago I would not have been writing this post.

When it rains it pours. I know this: I live in the Seattle area, after all! But that’s not what I mean.

When I begin to note and name the things for which I’m grateful the list gets longer and longer. It’s a veritable flood of gratitude. And that’s rain I really don’t mind.

If the only prayer you ever say in your entire life is thank you, it will be enough.

(Meister Eckhardt)

For what are you grateful? I’d love to hear.

Ever feel like some pretty significant things have to change before your life can truly start? Me too.

I woke up a couple of mornings ago thinking about my weight. Its not a conversation I like having with myself. It’s never kind – usually pretty violent – and always laced with either heavy doses of self-loathing or lofty promises for change. It was still early so I hadn’t eaten anything. Even pre-coffee I was thinking about the choices I should make throughout the day ahead, feeling them drag me down an all-too-familiar path.

And then this thought went through my mind?

This is your life, Ronna. Right now.You get to decide. Right now; not someday.

Now maybe this doesn’t seem like much of an epiphany to you. For me, however, it was hugely significant. Cuz here’s the thing: I live in a once/then world way too much of the time.

• Once I get this weight off, then I’ll feel good about myself every day.
• Once I get myself on an exercise routine, then I’ll be happy with the way I look.

Here are a few more:

• Once I get my business financially in place, then I will focus on writing the book.
• Once I can stop worrying about whether or not I can pay my mortgage from month-to-month, then I will be able to continue doing the things I’m passionate about and love.

Or how about these:

• Once I’m in a long-term, committed relationship, then my life will feel whole and complete.
• Once my kids are out of the house, then I can live the life I desire.

Let me be very quick to point out that I already know that all of these statements are false. I’m smart enough and sane enough to realize that no single change, event, or man is ultimately going to alter my world. All of that depends on me.

But that doesn’t mean that these myths don’t still hold power.

It’s the Disney version of life – or Hollywood. And it’s all a big, fat lie!! Still, I bite – over and over again. (No wonder I’m having conversations with myself about my weight!)

Back to my internal dialogue:

This is your life, Ronna. Right now.You get to decide. Right now; not someday.

• This means that I can choose what I want to eat in the moment, because this is my life. Right now. (That day I had Salted Caramel ice cream for lunch.)
• This  means that I can exercise when I want to, consistently or not, because this is my life. Right now. (I still have not (re)started exercising, but I’m seriously considering it and even bought a fitness magazine this afternoon.)
• This means that I can start writing my book anytime, soon, NOW, because this is my life. Right now. (Just this week I have come up with the title, the theme, and WILL start my book proposal no later than Thursday. Yes, this week. Yes, I typed those words!)
• This means that I can enjoy every bit of my work, my business, my blogging, my conversations, my world – whether I have money or not, because this is my life. Right now. (I am just reveling in the beauty and grace of my day-to-day life: the people with whom I interact, the writing I get to do, the level of connection I feel to things that matter. Money is currency. It is not my life.)
• This means that my life is whole and complete – and potentially made even better in relationship, because this is my life. Right now. (Indeed, the relationship I’m dancing within right now is a beautiful and rich addition to my life. It takes nothing from me. It adds much. And without it, I’d still be whole.)
• This means that I can live the life I desire while my kids are here, at their dads, living their own lives, because this is my life. Right now. (I love my daughters. And they will be better off with a mother who is thriving in her life – yes, right now, then if I put all on hold on their behalf.)

I really want to leave the once/then world and live fully, completely, eyes-wide-open in the one I’m in. Right now. Today. All the time. Because it’s good. It’s beautiful. It’s rich. It’s full. And I really like Salted Caramel ice cream.

Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans.

(John Lennon)

I was digging around on my hard drive today looking for a document on which I typed some notes from a phone call. I still cannot find it, frustratingly, but came across something else that I’d totally forgotten about. I wrote it almost exactly three years ago in response to a question posed in The Right to Write: An Invitation and Initiation into the Writing Life by Julie Cameron.

She asked: What are the stories you’d like to hear?

I answered:

• I’d like to hear a story about a woman who lived life larger than ever when she made hard choices.
• I’d like to hear a story about two young girls who grew up in the midst of a divorce but became amazingly strong, accomplished, satisfied women.
• I’d like to hear a story about a woman who dreamed of being a writer and became one.
• I’d like to hear a story about a woman who chose to take risks with the Biblical text and her understandings of God and stepped into a life that was far richer than she’d ever imagined.
• I’d like to hear a story about a woman who fell in love with a man who didn’t want less of her but called forth more and more all the time.

Some context:

• I wrote this just one month before my divorce was final after having made incredibly difficult choices with vast ramifications.
• My daughters spun in the confusion and ache of a broken family.
• I did not actually consider myself a writer of any caliber, import, or meaningful content.
• I was afraid that if I risked interpreting (or writing anew) from the Biblical text that I’d be dismissed by those more religious and ignored by those more spiritual (or not spiritual at all); that a reframed understanding and experience of the  Divine was a wish and a prayer.
• I couldn’t imagine that relationship with a man was possible in which I wouldn’t be compromised or lose too much of myself in the midst.

More context.

• I now live a life larger than I ever expected precisely because I made hard choices, risked, and trusted my self.
• I have two daughters who are growing into strong, incredible young women.
• I am a writer.
• My understanding of God (and particularly the Sacred Feminine) is far richer than I could have imagined; enhanced and expanded through amazing conversation and relationship with others in virtual and face-to-face worlds; rewriting/reframing traditional texts has been met with not only affirmation but the articulated desire for more.
• I have known love and heartache both, learning that I am not only worth loving, but that I am not “too much,” and indeed, that I deserve and call forth far more, not less.

I am so struck by this. Three years. A relatively simple question. Answers I’d totally discarded. And stories that have all now been told.

What are the stories I’d like to hear now? A future post, no doubt.

What are the stories you’d like to hear?Apparently there is something to making that list (and maybe even remembering that you saved the document). Who knew?

Each of us has an inner dream that we can unfold if we will just have the courage to admit what it is. And the faith to trust our own admission. The admitting is often very difficult.

(Julie Cameron)

One never enjoys life while holding the door closed against reality. When we find ourselves anxious or angry or fearful, the object of these negative emotions needs to be faced. Otherwise, it will dominate our thoughts and absorb our energies. Then life becomes a sustained effort at avoiding real issues.

(Michael Casey, Toward God: The Ancient Wisdom of Western Prayer)

Just came across this quote, read it multiple times, and then realized I needed to type it – in great big letters – and hit “publish.” For my own sake. Hope it says something to/for you, as well.

There are conversations that matter; specific ones that somehow see through us, speak into us, and change us profoundly. For me, those conversations have been, and are, about Faith, the Feminine, and Telling the Truth.

I’m working on a project that invites you into those conversations – with yourself, with me, with others, and with the Divine. Stay tuned for details. In the meantime, thoughts about conversation from another woman who has captured me with her imagery, her words, her penned beauty.

The Conversation

A woman moves close:
there is something she wants to say.
The currents take you one direction, her another.
All night you are aware of her presence,
aware of the conversation that did not happen.
Inside it are mountains, birds, a wide river,
a few sparse-leaved trees.
On the river, a wooden boat putters.
On its deck, a spider washes its face.
Years from now, the boat will reach a port by the sea,
and the generations of spider descendants upon it
will look out, from their nearsighted, eightfold eyes,
at something unanswered.

Jane Hirshfield

In the final post of this three blog series, coaches Jen Louden, Rachelle Mee-Chapman and Ronna Detrick interview each other about their membership sites –The Comfort Cafe, Flock, and A Conversational Space . Which one is the right fit for your soulcare needs? Join us and find your place of support and inspiration.

Today:  what makes one plant an online community; our hopes for YOU; and the Trio Collection of Proverbs Cards, our gift to you. Thanks for being here!

Q: What was the creative urge behind creating your community? How does it help you grow personally and creatively?

Ronna: Truth be told, my creative urge came from the two of you! You both showed me the models for online community and once I saw and experienced them, I knew it was what I both wanted for others and needed for myself. I am constantly growing because of it. Each post I write or conversation I have shapes and forms me. And the desire to be offering quality product and experience drives me creatively every single day. I’m deeply grateful.

Jen: I create better with a purpose.  The Cafe gives me a purpose; and the women use what I give them, and talk about it, so there is this rich steamy transformative energy that we build together, that makes me crazy with ideas and good creative ju-ju. The give and take sparks so much for me.

Rachelle: I had taken some Ecourses, and enjoyed them. But I always felt a letdown when the class ended and the students dispersed. I wanted to create an on-going community that could provide the soulcare I and others need to keep doing creative, soulful work.  I thrive in community. “There ain’t nowhere to go but together!”

Q: What is your greatest desire for your people? Your greatest wish?

Ronna: My greatest desire for the women in A Conversational Space is that they find a place in which they can explore, strengthen, and boldly tell their own truth; that they can ask their deepest questions and know they will be heard, supported, and understood; that they can wrestle with the realities of their lives and know that they are not alone. If, through their engagement here they were encouraged to live their lives more boldly and beautifully outside of the virtual world and in their day-to-day world, I would be humbled and thrilled.

Jen: To spend as much time in the field beyond right doing and wrong doing. To enjoy every moment of life as it is right now.

Rachelle: That no one would feel alone.

Are you picking up what we’re laying down? Join our mailing list to find out what else we are offering, and receive our exclusive Trio Collection of printable Proverbs Cards. (Shuffle for inspiration!)

Email Marketing You Can Trust

Three women. Three online communities. Three sequential blog posts. More than three incredible, generative, and generous benefits in collaborating together.

Yesterday, Part One – Hosted by Jen Louden of The Comfort Cafe. Together we asked each other:

• If you had to create a persona for your ideal community member, who would she be?
• All the treasures from your membership site are in a shoe box under my bed. What’s in there?

Today, Part Two – Hosted by Rachelle Mee-Chapman of Flock hosts. Together we asked each other:

• If money or time were no object, what do you wish you could offer your community members?
• How much of what you’ve created and continue to offer speaks to your own questions, desires, thoughts, hopes, needs?

Tomorrow, Part Three – Hosted by me of A Conversational Space. Two more questions. And lots more manifestation of collaborative beauty, energy, and passion. Even more: a present for you!