Arguing for Argument’s Sake

The best thing for an argument is not words and ideas, but to stop arguing.
(Unknown)

I was trying to explain my perspective on something this morning and the amazing man I was talking to asked me if I was just arguing for argument’s sake. It caught me up short. I’ve thought about it off and on all day.

I know myself relatively well. I know that I am really impassioned about the topics that matter to me. I can get pretty worked up when I talk about them, pretty ramped up when people or systems don’t agree with me, pretty irritated when I’m not understood. But I realized today that my passion can easily move to contempt. And when I feel contempt I’m far more likely to just argue because I can, because I know my subject matter well, because I feel the need to make a point – often at the expense of another.

It’s not pretty.

And it’s pretty familiar. My dad is a good arguer. He loves it! In fact, much of our dialogue over the years has been arguing together – him and me against the world, the church, the culture, whatever. I thought of him a lot today; about how I’ve learned to express my positions and passions directly from him. On one level, I’m grateful: I’m quick, articulate, clear, and persuasive. On another, I can feel the danger: I want to be heard, to be right, and to win.

That’s arguing for argument’s sake.

Here’s a specific example: I’m compelled by my understanding of the extreme need for re-told and re-imagined scriptural narratives of women in ways that are redemptive. I want those stories re-understood in ways that call the church (and many other systems and structures) into places and practices that enable the freedom, power, and life that all women deserve. From my perspective, that just isn’t happening and it makes me mad. I want to do something about it. I want my point made. I want to fight. I want to argue.

And that catches me up short again. Why my need to fight and argue? What’s that about?

Is it merely arguing for argument’s sake?

This morning’s relatively innocent question has caused me to wonder. It’s not that my perspective doesn’t matter, but maybe arguing it isn’t the best approach. Maybe my passion moves a bit too frequently toward contempt. And maybe, as long as I keep arguing, I’m not actually living, embodying, and “being” what I speak of, hope for, and yes, argue about.

Lots to think about.

One final thing: it would be remiss of me to not admit that when he said this to me this morning, I wanted to argue with him….

Tagged as: arguing, argument, contempt, passion, perspective

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