Comments on: Another of my Personal Deserts: Parenting http://www.ronnadetrick.com/another-of-my-personal-deserts-parenting/ Writer & Speaker Thu, 09 Feb 2012 04:53:50 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.0 By: Ronna Detrick http://www.ronnadetrick.com/another-of-my-personal-deserts-parenting/comment-page-1/#comment-1861 Ronna Detrick Fri, 09 Apr 2010 00:46:48 +0000 http://www.ronnadetrick.com/?p=3060#comment-1861 So, so lovely Georgia. Thank you for all the thought (and time) you've given me here. I deeply appreciate your perspective, your wisdom, your ideas. So, so lovely Georgia. Thank you for all the thought (and time) you’ve given me here. I deeply appreciate your perspective, your wisdom, your ideas.

]]> By: Georgia http://www.ronnadetrick.com/another-of-my-personal-deserts-parenting/comment-page-1/#comment-1855 Georgia Thu, 08 Apr 2010 20:28:42 +0000 http://www.ronnadetrick.com/?p=3060#comment-1855 Ronna, I can relate to your experiences. They happen. Parenting is hard. No shortcuts! Here is one thing that I found helps regain the lost ground and let out the steam building up in the pressure cooker of our relationships. Set aside a day or weekend or even a few hours for a "love fest" for your child, children (or even a parent or a spouse). For your child, take one (if that is possible) or both away for something you think THEY (not necessarily you) would enjoy that gives you both time alone, time to talk and time to build a good memory. It might be a hike, horseback riding or a "road trip" (perhaps your daughters would like to go to Forks, WA if they are Twilight fans) or drive up to mountains to play in the spring snow and bring back a cooler full of snow to build a snowman on your deck or dump on their girl friend's front porch and then ring the doorbell and run! Teenage fun! Take along the camera. A movie or a public place, like a mall, may not give you the same opportunities to talk. On your trip, set your work, worries, cell phone aside and try to talk about happy memories and accomplishments that you are proud of in THEIR life. Like, if you pass someone riding a bike, "Do you remember when you got the training wheels off your bike and you took off down the street and I was so proud I almost cried and I told everyone......"! If they don't remember the details, tell them the fun story and how happy and proud you felt! If they remember different details don't make a big deal out of it! Make it ALL about them. Don't turn it around to talk about your fears or hopes or to try to teach, preach, suggest or correct. Just share the joy they brought you and your thankfulness for their uniqueness and talents. Even if they bring up something negative like, "But remember you were late (again)!" Just agree, "Yep, that's right, bummer, I missed out didn't I" or "I forgot that part!"! It will be hard but don't use this time to justify or "explain" yourself. Don't use this time, (time for that later) to focus on YOU, keep it all about them! I find that kids love to hear the stories of when they were babies, or a small child and how they made you laugh, swell with pride and hear how much you love and are thankful for them. Fill the day with these stories. It takes discipline on your part to keep the day centered around them and their joy, dreams and building up their confidence! Depending on your recent relationship they might even question, "Why you are being so nice?". There are probably not many people or peers in their life who are interested in building THEM up. Let them know you are on their side. You are modeling selfless love. (Have you ever spent time with a friend and that is what they did for you! Made the time all or mostly about YOU! Feels nice!) I bet your time will be rewarded with some happier teens and a closer relationship. It is a good point to begin again from. This may seem unauthentic or even fake to some. "I'm not being myself..." No, it is just practicing self control in order to give your child or a friend some time away from the "desert" and some time to take a dip at a cool, refreshing sandy beach! Invigorating, nourishing and healing. Life is not always "a beach" but it is nice to vacation there once in a while! It is a little like this. Have ever tried the discipline of spending time in prayer and just sharing what you are thankful for and meditating on the attribrutes of God? Making the "time" all about thankfulness and love and not about YOU! It is hard to not quickly launch into your wants, needs, questions or "explaining and excusing" your own actions to God isn't it? Yes, but it will be refreshing and give you a new perspective! Hope this helps! I welcome your feedback! Ronna, I can relate to your experiences. They happen. Parenting is hard. No shortcuts!
Here is one thing that I found helps regain the lost ground and let out the steam building up in the pressure cooker of our relationships. Set aside a day or weekend or even a few hours for a “love fest” for your child, children (or even a parent or a spouse). For your child, take one (if that is possible) or both away for something you think THEY (not necessarily you) would enjoy that gives you both time alone, time to talk and time to build a good memory. It might be a hike, horseback riding or a “road trip” (perhaps your daughters would like to go to Forks, WA if they are Twilight fans) or drive up to mountains to play in the spring snow and bring back a cooler full of snow to build a snowman on your deck or dump on their girl friend’s front porch and then ring the doorbell and run! Teenage fun! Take along the camera. A movie or a public place, like a mall, may not give you the same opportunities to talk.

On your trip, set your work, worries, cell phone aside and try to talk about happy memories and accomplishments that you are proud of in THEIR life. Like, if you pass someone riding a bike, “Do you remember when you got the training wheels off your bike and you took off down the street and I was so proud I almost cried and I told everyone……”! If they don’t remember the details, tell them the fun story and how happy and proud you felt! If they remember different details don’t make a big deal out of it! Make it ALL about them. Don’t turn it around to talk about your fears or hopes or to try to teach, preach, suggest or correct. Just share the joy they brought you and your thankfulness for their uniqueness and talents. Even if they bring up something negative like, “But remember you were late (again)!” Just agree, “Yep, that’s right, bummer, I missed out didn’t I” or “I forgot that part!”! It will be hard but don’t use this time to justify or “explain” yourself. Don’t use this time, (time for that later) to focus on YOU, keep it all about them!

I find that kids love to hear the stories of when they were babies, or a small child and how they made you laugh, swell with pride and hear how much you love and are thankful for them. Fill the day with these stories. It takes discipline on your part to keep the day centered around them and their joy, dreams and building up their confidence! Depending on your recent relationship they might even question, “Why you are being so nice?”. There are probably not many people or peers in their life who are interested in building THEM up. Let them know you are on their side. You are modeling selfless love. (Have you ever spent time with a friend and that is what they did for you! Made the time all or mostly about YOU! Feels nice!) I bet your time will be rewarded with some happier teens and a closer relationship. It is a good point to begin again from.

This may seem unauthentic or even fake to some. “I’m not being myself…” No, it is just practicing self control in order to give your child or a friend some time away from the “desert” and some time to take a dip at a cool, refreshing sandy beach! Invigorating, nourishing and healing. Life is not always “a beach” but it is nice to vacation there once in a while!

It is a little like this. Have ever tried the discipline of spending time in prayer and just sharing what you are thankful for and meditating on the attribrutes of God? Making the “time” all about thankfulness and love and not about YOU! It is hard to not quickly launch into your wants, needs, questions or “explaining and excusing” your own actions to God isn’t it? Yes, but it will be refreshing and give you a new perspective!

Hope this helps! I welcome your feedback!

]]> By: Ronna Detrick http://www.ronnadetrick.com/another-of-my-personal-deserts-parenting/comment-page-1/#comment-1756 Ronna Detrick Sun, 28 Mar 2010 15:38:52 +0000 http://www.ronnadetrick.com/?p=3060#comment-1756 I so agree, Nicki. And, as is usually the case, the beauty is quick to follow on the heels of the darkness - primarily because my amazing daughters are also incredibly forgiving...and quick to move on. I'm grateful. I so agree, Nicki. And, as is usually the case, the beauty is quick to follow on the heels of the darkness – primarily because my amazing daughters are also incredibly forgiving…and quick to move on. I’m grateful.

]]> By: Nicki http://www.ronnadetrick.com/another-of-my-personal-deserts-parenting/comment-page-1/#comment-1754 Nicki Sun, 28 Mar 2010 10:39:18 +0000 http://www.ronnadetrick.com/?p=3060#comment-1754 There is no easy way to raise children. Parenting, regardless of what the experts tell us, is hard. It is unique to each child, not even each family. It is a constant learning process, not learning curve. While I value life-long learning, it is not this learning I want to do until I die. Parenting, when we least expect it, gives us rain and rainbows and sun. Parenting also gives us dust storms and wind and clouds. Your rainbows and sun will come, Ronna. .-= Nicki´s last blog ..<a href="http://nickisnook.net/2010/03/26/looking-for-me/">Looking for me?</a> =-. There is no easy way to raise children. Parenting, regardless of what the experts tell us, is hard. It is unique to each child, not even each family. It is a constant learning process, not learning curve. While I value life-long learning, it is not this learning I want to do until I die.

Parenting, when we least expect it, gives us rain and rainbows and sun. Parenting also gives us dust storms and wind and clouds. Your rainbows and sun will come, Ronna.
.-= Nicki´s last blog ..Looking for me? =-.

]]> By: Ronna Detrick http://www.ronnadetrick.com/another-of-my-personal-deserts-parenting/comment-page-1/#comment-1753 Ronna Detrick Sat, 27 Mar 2010 20:37:59 +0000 http://www.ronnadetrick.com/?p=3060#comment-1753 'SO hear what you're saying/struggling with April. No easy answers. I've made it my commitment to opt for conversation over all else. I totally assume both my girls will make choices that will break my heart AND I want, more than anything, to make sure they know that they can always talk to me. As with most things in life, that's far easier said than done. I just have to continue to hope that if I admit my mistakes, go back to them and tell them how I screwed up, and somehow (even in faltering, messed-up ways) model something of authenticity/vulnerability/passion/truth-telling, that it's at least a start. And ultimately, they'll need therapy. I'm OK with that. :) As always, I'm so grateful to know that others are on the same journey, feeling the sand's heat, and traversing the desert with me. ‘SO hear what you’re saying/struggling with April. No easy answers. I’ve made it my commitment to opt for conversation over all else. I totally assume both my girls will make choices that will break my heart AND I want, more than anything, to make sure they know that they can always talk to me. As with most things in life, that’s far easier said than done. I just have to continue to hope that if I admit my mistakes, go back to them and tell them how I screwed up, and somehow (even in faltering, messed-up ways) model something of authenticity/vulnerability/passion/truth-telling, that it’s at least a start. And ultimately, they’ll need therapy. I’m OK with that. :)

As always, I’m so grateful to know that others are on the same journey, feeling the sand’s heat, and traversing the desert with me.

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