I’m in this weird, juxtaposed space today. It’s Friday…time to begin breathing a bit deeper, hours away from a 3-day weekend, a slower pace (partly because the holiday traffic will demand such of me by this afternoon) and the anticipation of freedom and play ahead. But I’m also in the thick of doing goal-setting, planning, and strategizing. I have at least two major “business” decisions I need to make today and a number of correlating plans that will flow from such – all of which I need/want to have articulated, formed, and parsed out before the day’s end. I also have some conversations ahead that have impact on my future…and my heart. I have to think and plan ahead even if I wish I could just sit still in today. I find myself wishing that “today” was settled enough that I didn’t have to concern myself with “tomorrow.” Yes, it’s Friday and there’s still work to be done, a future to plan!
I may be stretching it, but this feels like a pretty good representation for the ambivalence we experience in life. Often, if not all of the time, we are caught between (at least) two realities: our present and our future, our current circumstances and our desired ones, our past and our future. One cannot overshadow the other or we become unbalanced, unfocused, unhealthy. The work is to let both (or more) things be true, prioritized, and “present” at once.
Erica Jong said, “Ambivalence is a wonderful tune to dance to. It has a rhythm all its own.” I agree – and – I know all too well the part of me that wants to sit that dance out; that wants everything to be black or white, clear, articulated, defined, now. I also know all too well the pain of not getting asked to dance – of sitting on the sidelines and wishing I was wanted, desired, chosen. Again, maybe life’s ambivalence is similar. When we feel frustrated by the unknown or at least the tension between two (or more) realities, do we hang out at the edge of the gym, watching everyone else pair off, wishing things were different? Or do we head out onto the floor, find our own rhythm, and stop concerning ourselves with others’ choices, opinions, or perspectives, and instead dance, twirl, swirl, and move to the beat?
Today is Friday. It is a good day. The sun is out, I’ll be with people I truly enjoy, and I can sleep in tomorrow morning. Today is Friday. It is a good day. Uncertainty abounds. I have worries, concerns, and realities to deal with. Both are true. Balance is possible. The dance of ambivalence continues – and invites beautiful, uninhibited movement.
Now, nearing the end of this post – and knowing that the day is calling at an increasingly loud volume – I’m wondering if I’ve stretched this metaphor a bit too far, if I’ve made any sense, if I have anything of value to say…and I know better. See? Even more ambivalence. It dances around me all the time – inviting me into the tension that exists not only in my day, but in my head and heart. Rather than fight it, or stay on the sidelines and sulk, I think I’ll let it be my dance partner – and maybe even let it lead…
Dancing is the world’s favorite metaphor. (Kristy Nilsson)
There is a bit of insanity in dancing that does everybody a great deal of good. (Edwin Denby)
I would believe only in a God that knows how to dance. (Friedrich Nietzsche)
We’re fools whether we dance or not, so we might as well dance. (Japanese Proverb)
To dance is to be out of yourself. Larger, more beautiful, more powerful. (Agnes De Mille)
Related Posts:
Fear or Desire?
The Tightrope of Ambivalence
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“If I can’t dance, I won’t be a part of your revoluation.” Emma Goldman. Maybe to dance is to be revolutionary. Ronna, thanks for this post…nice to know someone as lovely as you is also dancing in her ambivalence as I dance in mine. Peace upon your weekend.
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