I often listen to music that reflects my mood. For the past few days I’ve cycled through Alanis Morissette and The Flavors of Entanglement. Go ahead. I know you’re doing it anyway: interpret away.
Regardless of my current emotional state or the day-to-day stories of my life that have me singing songs like Straitjacket, Versions of Violence, Not as We, and Moratorium, I was stopped in my tracks when I came across #11: Incomplete. I hit “repeat” three times before moving on.
Maybe you can understand why:
…One day, my mind will retreat
And I’ll know God
And I’ll be constantly one with her
Night, dusk and day…
Ahhh, the respite in my mind when I can imagine and even visualize/actualize retreating and knowing “one” with anything/anyone. Ahhh, the respite in my heart when I hear a feminine adjective for God. It’s like this mystical, magical balm for my deepest self. A bright and shining mirror; an ennobling, empowering entity that is like me – not “other,” but intimate.
…Ever unfolding, ever expanding
Ever adventurous and torturous
But never done…
Always changing, growing, aching, loving, hoping, crying, rejoicing, suffering, roaring! What if I accepted the idea that I’m never done? That feels like more than faith. That feels like its reward: salvation. I know it intellectually, but what if I actually incorporated it into my heart, my soul, my very being? I’m never done. I’m never done. I’m never done. What would that be like? Alanis tells me:
…One day, I will speak freely
I’ll be less afraid
And measured outside of my poems and lyrics and art…
No fear. No measuring. No editing. No censoring. My out-loud voice. My inside voice expressed. My roar!
…One day, I will be faith filled
I’ll be trusting and spacious
Authentic and grounded and whole…
Alanis Morissette does faith. Better than most. Alanis offers me a faith that makes sense, that is inclusive, healing, and rich. Faith = trusting and spacious and authentic and grounded and whole. ‘Has nothing to do with doctrine, theology, beliefs, religion. And it still could. Ahhh.
I have been running so sweaty my whole life
Urgent for a finish line
And I have been missing the rapture this whole time
Of being forever incomplete
Missing the rapture the whole time? NO! I don’t want to miss it. I won’t miss it! I don’t want to and won’t miss my own life.
Forever incomplete.
Forever incomplete.
Forever incomplete.
Not a negative mantra; but a positive, beautiful, redemptive, and glorious one. Sounds like something to have faith in: me. The rapture cometh. Thanks, Alanis.
God is smiling. I can picture her now. Ahhh.
{ 13 comments… read them below or add one }
Thank you so much for this. So many times I feel my faith slipping away, but it’s a post (and song) like this that reminds me what I have to hang onto.
So much to hang on to Heather. Yourself! Sometimes that’s the best faith we can possibly have, grow, flourish, and hope for! And trust me: I’m preaching to the choir! Thanks for being here, commenting, expressing your heart.
I feel as though that day came for me on January 29, 2009. That’s when I first knew everlasting love and that feeling that I’d reached that place of peace and completeness that many never get to (and that I thought was not meant for me).
And yet, I’ll tell you what: from here, everything resets itself. I’m merely basking in the glory of having reached the starting block! Now I feel a whole different kind of incomplete, and it’s awesome! Always something new, endless possibilities!
Positive Mitch´s last blog ..If you have nothing nice to say…
Love this, Mitch: “a different kind of incomplete, and it’s awesome.” Yep.
Ooooh, yes… Alanis has been a major influence in my life. Every time she releases a CD, I find that we’re in the same place in our lives.
Thank you for this. It’s beautiful.
Her lyrics are amazing, no doubt. I keep coming back to her in the ebbs and flows of my life. Always moved. Always grateful for expression that I couldn’t come to on my own, or at least in exactly that way. Thanks, Kyeli.
Oh, how I love this and Alanis. Flavors of Entanglement has been the most perfect CD for where I am … and I love hearing other women say the same!
She looks so radiant in this video. Thanks for a gorgeous moment in my day
- Jess
ive always loved her. thanks for the post. once again love your words.right on.
You’re welcome…and…thanks to you, Michelle, and Jess too! ‘Appreciate the comments and the excellent taste in music!
thanks Ronna…wow. Just wow.
You’re welcome, JPaul…wow. Just wow.
Ronna: Enjoyed my first day of reading Renegade Conversations……and it resonates with my heart….the path isn’t straight and yet somehow I get there..somewhere…here…now… …incomplete….but having met you along the way is definately a part of trying to figure some things out..thank you for sharing…praying for you as always.
Hollie
So good to hear your voice, Hollie, and have you here! Thank you!
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