I’m not a huge reunion fan. I haven’t gone to any of my too-numerous-to-count high school or college events. I don’t know why. Yes I do. There’s something about revisiting a past I wasn’t all that crazy about that just doesn’t appeal to me.
But I’ve now found the exception to that rule.
Four weeks ago I reconnected with a man I haven’t seen for 27 years, my first love. I blogged about him, reflecting on how powerful it was to resume conversation and relationship with someone who knew me so many years ago; in many ways better than I knew myself.
Tomorrow we will see each other again. A reunion. We will remember. We will re-member our shared story with scenes and experiences; one of us will fill in the blanks that the other has forgotten. We will fill in the missing years by listening to each other’s stories; sharing scenes and experiences that we could not possibly have imagined for one another so many years ago. And we will have the privilege of adding pages to our surprisingly, shockingly, stunningly continued story; creating scenes and experiences of which we’re still unsure (how does one act with someone they haven’t seen for a lifetime?). It is totally and utterly amazing. I still can hardly believe it. I cannot wait. A reunion. I’ll be there!
Two days ago I blogged on leavings and findings. Here is part of what I said:
To understand my genuine voice…has taken me a long, long time. It’s been fraught with leavings… (my marriage, the church, my youthful – and cherished understandings of religion and God). But those leavings have led to profound findings (passion, feminist theology, amazing relationships, an out-loud voice, truth-telling, new ways of experiencing “god”). And those very leavings are what have enabled me to find (and hold on to) my genuine voice…
Though not included in yesterday’s list, this man was most definitely a leaving and a loss for me – just as he was (and is again) a finding. There was a sense in which my most genuine voice was expressed in those long-ago years, in the first learnings of relationship, in being chosen, in love. I’ve lost that voice many times over the years. To be remembered and experienced as one who had one – a powerful, passionate one, even then, is redemptive, powerful, intriguing, and beautiful. I’m so curious. My head is spinning. I am nearly (though not completely) without words.
It’s true that we don’t know what we’ve got until we lose it, but it’s also true that we don’t know what we’ve been missing until it arrives.
(Unknown)
I will experience both at the same time: what I lost and what I’ve been missing; a leaving and a finding. An amazing man (then and now) and many forgotten realities about myself (that genuine voice and so much more) that I’ve needed to remember, recapture, and reclaim. If he’s right, apparently, I was (and still am) an amazing woman. A reunion with him, yes; and with myself. I’ll be there!
We’ve both said it over and over: “this just doesn’t happen.” But it does. And it is. It’s more than a reunion. In feels oddly spiritual…like faith and hope and providence and grace and miracle all rolled into one. I’m deeply grateful. A reunion. I’ll most definitely be there.
I believe (these days with increasingly more fervor) that we all need to have reunions with our past, with our former selves, with our former voice, with our former “loves.” There are parts of ourselves and our stories that we’ve forgotten, dismissed, ignored, or seen as youthful fancies. What wondrous things might happen if we could rediscover, reclaim, and redeem those memories, those parts of ourselves, those “loves?” These are reunions worth attending. I’m there. Join me?
Every parting is a form of death, as every reunion is a type of heaven.
(Tryon Edwards)
If Edwards is right (and I think he is), I will know a taste of heaven this weekend. A reunion I could have never imagined. A reunion with an amazing man. A reunion with a younger, beautiful, full-of-life and far more innocent version of myself. A sequel to a story. And undoubtedly, fabulous blog content to follow!!! (But not for a few days…)
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I am not sure if I have ready anything as honest and beautiful as this in a while. Thanks so much for sharing. I am also one that does not do “reunions”. I am about forward motion, tomorrow, so I understand your hesitancy…scary and exciting to think about merging past, present and future into one beautiful moment of truth.
Hope its everything you desire…
Thank you, Desiree. I have high expectations and frankly, don’t even know how to hope, how to act, what to say, what to do. What I do know is that neither of us are 19 or 20 years old. We have stories upon stories upon stories to share. It will be beautiful and amazing just to sit in the same space and breathe after all this time. You’ll undoubtedly hear more…
I wonderful post. I’ve also had the opportunity to re-connect with some very special who knew me when. I guess before I before I was a fully before I was a mother, living in the burbs. It’s been a joy getting to know him again. I am happy to say that our reunion has been like a fine wine….better with age. Cheers to you.
Yvonne Bynoe´s last blog ..How to Give Yourself to Whatever the Moment Brings, and Forget Stress
Whoa! Cool – right there on the edge of my seat with you.
Re-union
Re-member
Re-pair?
Oooh. Re-pair? Love that!!!
My friend, Pearl, sent me this post, linking me to you because she thought I would like your blog. What she didn’t know is that I had a reunion of the same sort just two weeks ago, my first love, the man I thought was forever. He got divorced in April. We planned a hot reunion. Connecting over breakfast was delicious and informative. What lingered for me was the reason we broke up so many times over the 7 years we dated on and off. Trust. Feeling undervalued. I am glad it went no further than breakfast for now. If we are meant to be, we will build a new relationship, which takes time and effort to grow. I am glad I followed my heart, connected and then said goodbye till next time.
It is a miracle of a sort to reconnect. You find out so much about yourself in the process. My biggest aha moment has been in finding out that the person I have worked so hard to become is the person I already was back in the past. I just didn’t own her yet.
Good luck on your journey and I look forward to hearing how your reunion went for you!
Sandy
Sandy´s last blog ..A Facebook Wedding Invitation
Thank you for commenting, Sandy, and for sharing so beautifully from your own story…especially the reality that “the person you worked so hard to become is the person you already were back in the past.” EXACTLY! Isn’t that amazing?
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