This morning, a quiet Sunday, I’ve been looking through some of the MANY quotes that I save – verses, voices, perspectives, statements – and came across this one from the daily “send” of Sojourners:
How long, O Lord? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me? How long must I bear pain in my soul, and have sorrow in my heart all day long? How long shall my enemy be exalted over me? Consider and answer me, O Lord my God! Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep the sleep of death, and my enemy will say, “I have prevailed”; my foes will rejoice because I am shaken. But I trusted in your steadfast love; my heart shall rejoice in your salvation. I will sing to the Lord, because God has dealt bountifully with me. (Psalm 13:1-6)
And then this, the quote that accompanied the text above:
You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You must do the thing which you think you cannot do. (Eleanor Roosevelt)
Both of these, the scripture and the quote, speak volumes to me.
The biblical text feels powerfully applicable these days. I am often asking the question, rhetorically of the universe and undoubtedly of God, “How long?” The asking leaves me exhausted. And I ask it in SO many categories. In that state, weary and weak, I find my hope waning, my faith wavering, my strength dissipating.
Apparently, the psalm writer knew of similar experiences; stuck between what he knows of the past and what he hopes for the future…without answers. Did you catch the switching verb tense in the last two sentences?
I trusted in your steadfast love: past tense
My heart shall rejoice: future tense
I will sing: future tense
Because God has dealt bountifully with me: past tense
I am not alone. I too flip between my past, my present, and my future. I vacillate between hope and despair. I am in the mix of ambivalence, uncertainty, ambiguity, and a vague and distant (but nevertheless real) sense that all will be OK.
Who knew Eleanor Roosevelt was doing intertextual work on Psalm 13?! Look fear in the face and do the thing you think you cannot do. It is in the very midst of asking “How long?” that we gain strength, courage, and confidence; that we stare down our deepest fears. I’m all about that – for myself, for my daughters, for other women, for others. But this morning, Eleanor just makes me tired. She’s right, I know. But I’m still weary.
This Sunday morning I take a deep breath and ask the psalmist’s words yet again, “How long?” I want to feel my heart rejoicing. I want to sing. For now, these activities and Eleanor’s remain in future tense, as do strength, courage, and confidence.
Present tense? Yes, I continue to hope…even as I continue to ask, “How long?”
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Food for thought… Eleanor has it right but I believe is missing a key piece in the last part of her quote, “You must do the thing which you think you cannot do.”
… I think God is very pleased when we invite him into that space where we can’t do it on our own. I think that is the part that Dan would term as “co-authorship” of our life. God and self working together as a team. If we can do it on our own then where does God fit in? It is not much fun being a bench warmer.
Patty