An amazing graduate of Mars Hill Graduate School named Caroline Wartman is helping host the following event on Domestic Violence Advocacy. ‘Spread the word – and be there!
The first in a series of forums on global & social advocacy will bring together pastors, educators and activists from the greater Seattle area to address how the Christian church is preventing the issue of domestic violence from being named. Mars Hill Graduate School (MHGS) is co-sponsoring this event with Northwest Family Life (NWFL). Dr. Nancy Murphy, Adjunct Faculty with MHGS and Executive Director of NWFL will facilitate a conversation. This will also be a gathering for worship and remembrance. This event is open to the public.
When:
Friday, October 20, 7-9pm
Where:
St. Paul’s Episcopal Church, 15 Roy Street, Seattle, WA 98109
Registration:
Please register here !
Cost:
Suggested donation of $10 per person.
Child Care will be available. Parents, please register your children prior to attending the event.
For further information please contact Caroline Wartman.
I see the impact of domestic violence everywhere, but nowhere more clearly than in that moment when the person I am speaking with is suddenly trying find a way to exit the conversation after I utter that phrase.
Even the media seems hesitant to name domestic violence. The newspaper in my hometown today carried two stories both connected with partner abuse, yet both articles managed to completely avoid the topic. One man hung himself after he mounted the sidewalk in his car in order to knock down his girlfriend, but accidentally hit and killed a 3-year-old boy. The second man took his life only after he tried, unsuccessfully, to kill his girlfriend. Apparently suicide is easier to name than domestic violence.
Why is it that domestic violence holds a sense of taboo? I believe in part that we do not want to be presented with the reality of domestic violence precisely because it is a reality. Statistically partner abuse occurs in 1 in every 4 relationships. This means that all of us are directly affected by domestic violence. It is in our homes and our families, it is present in the house next door, or with our friends in a different state. We are all impacted. Thus those two words can hold so much for us – anger, fear, numbness, sorrow. It can seem like too much to bear. It is too much to bear. There is a cost to us if we look at issues of domestic violence. Yet I believe the cost of turning our face away is far greater. Too often the victims of violence pay the price of our cowardice.
A common experience for victims of domestic violence is that they are amazed by how many others share similar stories. Throughout the time of their abuse many believe they are alone in their experience, that no one else can relate. Victims of emotional abuse internalize the messages that they are to blame and that they are worthless. The shame mounts up. What bursts this suffocating bubble of shame? I believe we must advocate for the freedom to name domestic violence for what it is and encourage this in public dialogues. If those two newspaper articles had named, and condemned, the partner abuse occurring in the relationships that would have sent a message to many readers who are in similar situations. Unfortunately, the paper reinforced the perpetrator’s message – if you push me (in whatever way the individual perpetrator claims they are antagonized) then you will be responsible for the deaths of others, and myself.
Between September 1, 2000 and August 31, 2002 domestic violence abusers in Washington State took 78 lives. Naming and condemning domestic violence is not an peripheral issue to families and faith communities – it is required for the flourishing of many lives.
One of the places that should be a sanctuary for victims of domestic violence has often been found wanting – the Christian Church. Biblical passages have been wrongly used to keep women in abusive marriages. Pastors have defended perpetrators in court. Jesus said, “Come to me all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest” (Matt 11:28), yet often through poor translation, lack of education, and in the worst cases, abuse of power, Christian leaders ask their congregations to mask their brokenness, vulnerability and fear. Some leaders miss the opportunity to care for their congregants by holding tightly to passages of Scripture, such as, “I hate divorce,” says the Lord God of Israel” (Malachi 2:16a), while letting others pass us by: “and I hate a man’s covering himself with violence as well as with his garment,” says the Lord.” (Malachi 2:16b). (This can also be translated from the Hebrew “and I hate a man covering his wife with violence).
Though the lack of knowledge and misuse of power is troubling to me, I am mostly concerned with asking how can we, as a people of faith, no longer condone violence with our silence, our misuse of Scripture, or our failure to acknowledge that domestic violence is present in every congregation? In our congregation. The Rev. Dr. Randy Bridges (2003) writes:
The church is called:
To denounce these evils in its ministry of public proclamation
To protect and provide for those in need of safety
To offer healing for those wounded in body, mind and soul
To admonish offenders, in cooperation with civil authorities, guiding and restoring them until new patterns of behavior are verified.
How do we as people of faith become reputed for the many ways we are present and offering hope to all affected by domestic violence? I believe we need to begin by speaking and, perhaps more importantly, by listening. Victims and perpetrators need to hear that God is calling to them, longing for them to know safety, to know grace, to know hope, and to know that they are beloved. Our God is one who rails against injustice, and who fights on the side of the oppressed. We, also need to confess where we have failed, and the harm we have perpetrated in that failure. Victims have remained in violent situations, and perpetrators have not been held accountable. As such, bridges have been burned with many domestic violence advocates in the field, contributing to the isolation that makes it difficult for Christian women to access the support they need. We also need to listen to those already working in the domestic violence advocacy in order to become equipped and forge collaborative partnerships. We need to listen to the victims. We need to listen to our own Scriptures. Thus, we are in need of conversation.
I would like to invite you to be a part of that conversation. On the evening of October 20th Northwest Family and Mars Hill Graduate School will co-host an event addressing what it means to name domestic violence. Dr. Nancy Murphy, director of Northwest Family Life and adjunct faculty at MHGS, will facilitate a conversation with Dr. Dwight Freisen, Rev. Neshella Mitchell, Rev. Dr. Marie Fortune and Luis Carrier and others working in the field of domestic violence advocacy in Seattle. The gathering will be hosted by St Paul’s Episcopal Church, 15 Roy Street, Seattle, WA. You can register here:
May your voice be a part of lifting the veil of silence. May your ears and heart be open to the cries of the abused. May you have the courage to name and build relationships that will equip you to bring life to those who are suffering from this form of abuse.
